#i am not abused at home i have a very good relationship with pretty much everyone in my family | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gracieheartspedro · 2 months ago

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Dagger In The Heart

pairing: ellie williams x afab! reader

post about palestine - please be aware and know who your content comes from. this post informs you about the tlou writers and creators, as well as how to help the Palestinian people.

word count: 6.1k words

warnings: MINORS DNI!!! 18+ ty!!! abusive relationship mentioned, reader's bf is a cheating asshole, calls her names, makes comments about weight, talks of cheating, some lowkey cheating from reader, sharing clothes with ellie, ellie is 18+ but her age not specified, talks of hardly eating food at dinner, reader is a bit confused with her sexuality and wants to explore (which is fine!!! and normal!!!), wlw relations, pussy eating, fingering, tribbing, tattoos? lots of tattoos, dirty talk, reader being a bit desperate, getting caught (but not really), mentions of a strap, men being drunk and stupid. that's it. I think.

description: when you get the chance to meet your asshole boyfriend’s family, you take a liking to his sister, ellie. when a conversation about her tattoos turns into talks of what you’re really into, you can’t help but want to explore it more.

author’s note: hi girls, gays, and theys! I am so happy to be bringing this request to you. it was an anon request from july and I just suck at getting my life together to actually write. but here we are. FYI, I don't condone this behavior or cheating. anyway I hope you enjoy. I will also be putting this on my ao3 soon, so if you see it there, don't worry, it's just me (;

“You gotta chill, babe. Your anxiety is giving me anxiety.”

He was never very good with comforting you, so you bite back your snappy comment and just fake a smile.

You had been dating your boyfriend Matt for almost a year. You two met in your college biology class and really bonded over your love for folk music and Greek food. He had kind eyes, mousy brown hair and the brightest smile you had ever seen.

At first, you thought this was the best relationship you ever could ask for, but Matt grew distant after four months together. You didn’t know why, but his temper had shown itself one too many times. He fought with you constantly. He was quite jealous. You could never be seen with another boy without accusations of cheating. But every time you two argued, he always came back with an apology and a bouquet of flowers. You could not help but believe you could fix him.

It had been 10 months, you had to brave meeting his family. Unlike you, his family lived two towns over and he visited them quite often. He was close to his younger brother and mom, so he made a point to see them as much as he could.

He brought up the idea of meeting them back around the holidays, but you were planning to board a flight and visit your family across the country. He understood but was pretty disappointed you could not try his mom’s infamous pumpkin pie.

You had no excuse when summer came. So here you are, standing with him at his childhood home’s front door as he scrambled to find his keys.

You were sporting something more dressed up than your normal. Matt loved this one black dress on you, so you decided to wear that with some cute flats. You were sorely regretting the shoe decision, the pointed-toed shoes squeezed your big toe and the arch was not high enough to be comfortable.

He unlocks the deadbolt and the red door jolts open. You are instantly met with the scent of BBQ and cornbread. His childhood is cozy and lived in. The entrance is lined with shoes, everything from high heels to sneakers that have run through countless puddles. It was a sigh of relief, they were a no-shoes in the house family. You kick off your uncomfortable shoes, holding on to Matt’s shoulder for balance.

His mom is the first one to enter the hallway to meet you two at the door. She is quite beautiful, her hair darker than Matt’s. She was shorter, wearing a nice blouse and jeans. She welcomes you both with a bear hug and cheers of excitement. When she pulls you out of the embrace, she gets a better look at you.

“You are more beautiful in person, pictures do not do your gorgeous smile justice,” She remarks, squeezing your hands.

You shake your head, trying your best not to let out that you are beyond nervous about this entire encounter. “You are too kind, thank you so much for hosting us.”

“Come meet the crew!”

Matt eyes meet yours, noticing how tense you are. You had hoped for him to hold your hand and guide you through this experience, but instead he just nudges you with his shoulder. He brushes by, heading after his mom.

The hallway opens into a kitchen and living room, which is littered with random strangers who, in some way, resemble your boyfriend.

His brother, Collin, stands up first from the barstools, racing over to your boyfriend to dap him up. When he glances your way, you just smile and introduce yourself. He extends his hand to shake yours, which you gladly accept.

His dad is next to stand up from a recliner in the living room. He makes your acquaintance quickly, telling you he’s so glad to finally meet you after months of hearing all about you.

When he moves away from in front of you, she comes into focus. You had not even noticed her sitting on the couch across the room.

She’s slender, her dark locks framing her chiseled jawline. She looks like Matt, but more like a person who belongs in a Renaissance painting. Her eyes are a more dimensional brown. She has freckles scattered around her pale complexion, which only added her beauty.

You do not realize you are gawking until Matt nudges you. “This is my sister, Ellie.”

You blink again, bringing your focus back to the situation. She extends her hand, and that’s when you take notice to her tattoo-filled arms. Her tank top raises a bit and you catch a glance of her midriff, exposing more tattoos littering her abdomen.

“Nice to meet ya. Heard plenty about you.”

You swallow, taking her hand and shaking it. “I hope good things.”

“No, I only tell her the worst things about you.”

Everyone giggles except you and Ellie. Luckily it is filling the room with enough noise to drown out your thoughts about your boyfriend’s beautiful sister.

Ellie rolls her eyes before whispering, “Don’t worry, it’s only ever good things, sweet cheeks.”

Matt’s dad loves to talk and you can tell it annoys Ellie. You were seated outside on their patio set, drinking some homemade lemonade Matt’s mom was adamant you had. He was helping her with all the sides that were still yet to be made, so you took up Ellie’s offer to check out the backyard space. You did not expect Matt’s dad to come with you two and tell you all about the flower beds he curated.

But you listened, smiling and nodding while sipping on your tart drink.

He got occupied with grilling, so you and Ellie were left on the couch near a very used and abused firepit.

You wait for her to say something. She was truly making you nervous, her eyes trailing you every so often.

“So, you and Matt met in science class?”

You finally look back at her wandering eyes, “Yeah, he was my biology partner.”

“Gotcha,” She leans forward, putting her elbows on her knees. You do not know what comes over you, but you cannot physically pull your eyes away from her arms as they flex. “You good?”

“I like your tattoos,” You barely manage to say, “They are… hot.”

You want to jump into the unlit firepit for that one.

No other adjective came to your horny mind? Really?

She giggles, enjoying watching you practically squirm under her gaze. “Thanks, dude. My ex girlfriend was a tattoo artist so I let her practice on me.”

You remember a moment about 5 months ago when Matt mentioned his sister being gay, but for some reason, you finally connect that duh it’s Ellie, you fucking idiot.

You also remember some choice words he had about her. You remember cringing when he called her a slur and said she could not keep a girl to save her life. You held your tongue and refused to reply.

“That’s awesome,” You scoot closer to her, bridging more of the gap between you two on the couch, “Which one is your favorite?”

She smiles at your intrusion into her space and questions. You realize you two are almost sizing each other up, right in front of her family, your boyfriend’s family. They could easily peek outside of the kitchen windows and see you two eye fucking each other. She leans back, her eyes tracing all the tattoos on her arms.

Then she laughs. A deep guttural laugh.

“What?”

“Nothing,” She brings her front teeth down on her bottom lip before speaking up again, “It’s a tattoo I can’t show you.”

“Why not?”

She looks towards the window, checking on her brother and mom. Her expression changes when she turns back to you.

“Because I’m not pulling my tits out in front of my family.”

Your pussy practically pulses when you hear her say it. What is wrong with you? You are dating her brother. What is wrong with you?!

“Your… boobs are tattooed?”

She nods slowly, bringing her one hand up to your bare exposed thigh, “Bet that shakes a sweet one like you to your core.”

The comment insinuates that you are an innocent little girl who knows nothing about the world. And sure Matt is your first real boyfriend. Sure he was the first person ever to eat you out because your high school crushes did not even know that was a thing. Sure you never have been sexually promiscuous. Sure you thought you were straight.

Sure.

But something inside you was crawling its way out. This small interaction with your asshole boyfriend’s sister was enough to send you into a spiral. You never gave a girl a chance so how were you supposed to know you did not like it?

“What if your family wasn’t around?”

Ellie is gobsmacked by your comment, her jaw practically hitting the floor. You can tell she realized she was flying too close to the sun. She pulls her hand away from your leg.

“You are my brother’s girlfriend. I am not going to be the one to corrupt you,” She states, scooting over a bit away from you. Your cheeks get flushed, instantly feeling embarrassed for asking such a question. But the more you sat in silence, the more you realized that you really did not care. The feelings Ellie made you feel within the last 10 minutes were more exciting than any feeling Matt had given you in 10 months.

You clear your throat, “Luckily for you, Ellie, you would not be the one to corrupt me. That has already been done.”

She looks at you quizzically, “Is that so?”

“Yeah, I may look sweet and innocent,” You creep in close to her, “But I am really a freak.”

Now you are just lying.

Before she can utter a word, Matt’s brother comes out to let you two know dinner was done. You hope and pray he didn’t take notice to how close you two were. Or how Ellie stared at your ass as you walked away.

You sit between Matt and Ellie at the table.

Every so often during the meal, you would place your hand on Matt’s leg. He would push you away, rolling his eyes when you glared at him. When the conversation came around to him, he would find a way to demean you and then continue blabbing about school or his internship.

You answered questions from his mom and dad, but you were sorely uninterested in them. But then the conversation comes around as to whether you two would be staying the night tonight. At this point, Matt had already had four beers, and you knew he probably would not want you driving his new Mustang.

“You can take Matt’s bed and he can sleep on the couch,” His mom suggests, indicating that you two would not be sleeping together. You understood that they were a bit more traditional, but you were not expecting to sleep in your boyfriend's childhood bed without him.

“That’s a great idea, Ma. We can stay, right?”

You look at the plate of practically untouched food in front of you. You just nod, finally saying, “As long as you give me some comfy sweatpants to wear.”

“Mine are all back at my apartment, but I’m sure Ellie has something you could borrow. Plus, you probably wouldn’t fit my sweatpants.”

Matt constantly made comments about your figure and how he could not share clothes with you. He refused to share his clothes with you, stating that you would not be able to squeeze into them and you also “left your scent on everything”.

God, he made you feel terrible about yourself.

Butterflies erupt in your stomach when you think about wearing Ellie’s clothes, though, and you completely drown out the separate conversation happening around the table. You feel a hand creep up your thigh, but it's not coming from the side you expect.

Her hand is so soft and delicate as it creeps up your leg. You cannot help but glance at her direction, catching her smiling over at you.

“Don’t worry, I got something you can wear.”

Dinner finishes up and Matt expresses that he wants to go for a round of drinks with his high school friends and brother at the local tavern down the street. He never asks if you want to go, telling you “It would just be high school friends that you don’t know, anyway.”

He tells you that his Mom and Ellie would get you all set up. He gives you a pat on the back, and heads to the door, right behind his brother. You watch him leave and almost breathe a sigh of relief.

When you turn back, you see his Mom already going upstairs.

“I’m gonna get your bed all set up and then I’m probably going to retire to my bed, too.” She states, slowly making her way up the wooden staircase.

You wanted to scream because this only meant one thing. You were alone with Ellie.

You follow her up the stairs and look around the hallway. She heads to the right and begins pointing at the only room with the light on. You didn’t even know that Ellie was upstairs.

“Have Ellie get you something to wear, I’ll make up your bed!”

The door swings open and Ellie stands there, having changed into her own bedtime clothes. And for fucks sake, she’s not making this easy for you.

She is sporting a tight white tank, no bra, and shorts that ride up to the very tops of her thighs. Her legs are tattooed as well, but not as much as her arms. There isn’t a touch of her freckled skin that isn’t marked with art. You can almost see through her shirt, making your mouth go dry.

“Let’s see what you fit into!”

She lets you into her space. Her room is decorated with posters of space and heavy metal bands. From the looks of one corner of her room, she’s an artist. She has different art styles, anywhere from charcoal to watercolors, littering a desk and her walls. It’s messy, but it’s not dirty. It smells like incense and clean laundry.

She walks over to her dresser, opens up the top drawer. Everything is neatly folded, which kind of surprises you.

“I have some sweatpants, shorts, boxers-“

“Sweatpants are fine,” You retort, not wanting her to list off anything else, “Do you have any t-shirts I could wear?”

“Well of course I do, sweet cheeks. What do you want, loose or tight?”

You stare at her dumbfounded. You know what she’s doing. And you hate yourself for liking it so much.

She pulls out a pair of navy blue sweatpants, still waiting for your reply.

“Loose.”

She starts to dig through another drawer when Matt’s mom pops her head in.

“It’s all set up for you, sweetheart. If you need anything, you let one of us know. I’m going to downstairs if you need me.”

You smile, thankfully. “Thank you so much, Mrs. Williams.”

“If she needs anything, I’m sure I could help her find her way,” Ellie says, absentmindedly. She pulls out a white t-shirt from her drawer and tosses it at you.

“Goodnight, girls!”

And then you two are alone. Ellie slowly saunters to her door and shuts it.

“You can get dressed here. Just make sure what I gave you fits.”

You silently turned your back to her, tossing your hair over your shoulder. “Can you unzip me?”

You are not even thinking straight. You are so caught up with being alone with the girl you have had weird sexual tension with. She walks over to you confidently, before grabbing the top of your black dress, which lands right at the middle of your back. She pulls down the zipper, ensuring it reaches the very end of its track.

The hairs on your back stand up in her wake. You breathe deeply, before shimmying the dress off your shoulders. You were wearing a bra, so you were just going to keep it on. You step out of the dress, leaving you in just underwear and the push-up bra Matt gifted you not too long ago.

You don’t turn to her, but she just comes around to your front, nonchalantly.

“Jesus Christ,” Ellie stammers, before plopping on her bed. You shakingly step into the sweatpants she gifted you to wear, unsure how to respond. You rack your brain trying to gain the confidence you had before dinner, but your mouth is dry and your brain is dazed from seeing Ellie in her pajamas.

You finally manage to glance up at her hungry eyes, smiling softly.

“I never knew I would be jealous of my brother.”

You swallow, “Jealous?”

“Yeah, he gets to have someone like you every night and I can’t even find someone worth hanging out with around here. Never thought a nerd like him would win over a woman like you.”

You are standing in the sweatpants and your bra, not able to digest her words completely. A woman like you?

“Your brother is sweet. And we don’t have sex every night.”

“Just sweet?” She steps a bit closer to you, “And I said nothing about sex, darling, I said he gets to have you.”

She is looking at you like you are her prey. You almost fell to your knees and begged her to put you out of your misery, but you resisted. Instead, she just stands up, trying to catch your nervous glances.

“H-he, uh, does what he can, when we d-do, yanno.”

Her fingers trace up your arm, her eyes trailing as she does it. You bite the inside of your cheek, waiting for her response. She clicks her tongue a couple of times, shaking her head.

“I am sure he tries,” She sputters, standing back from you, “Do you even really like him?”

You furrow your eyebrows, suddenly snapping out of the situation you are currently in. You reflect for a moment.

Matt was an asshole but you sometimes enjoyed his company. He made you laugh on occasion. But deep down, you knew that he wasn’t made for you. He lacked emotional intelligence and made sure to put you down any chance he got. You had inklings he was talking to other girls and his friends were probably the most intolerable people on your college campus. And then there was that one time when the inklings were just.

The realization that you maybe didn’t like him made you sick. You wasted so much time and now you have met his family.

“When he’s not mean to me. When he isn’t cheating on me.” You admit quietly, almost too humiliated to say it.

She crooks her neck, “He cheated on you?”

You hate talking about it, it made you feel as though you were never good enough. He made it out that it was your fault because you would not have sex with him when you had the flu. “It was just some hand stuff, baby,” he said to you.

“Just once. I forgave him because he told me he loved me.”

“People who love you don’t hurt you like that,” Ellie says without a beat.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Is he mean to you all the time?”

You think back to the last nice thing he said to you. Your ass looks fat in that dress. And even that could be seen as a bad thing. You shake your head, trying to find a good way to paint her brother. From the looks of it, she doesn’t really like him all that much anyway.

“Most of the time.”

“So, what I’m hearing is my brother is an asshole that doesn’t know how to treat a woman both in life and in the bedroom. Is that what you’re saying?”

You stand there pondering her question, coming up with nothing. She was right, but were you ready to admit that?

So you shrug.

Ellie stands with her arms crossed now, chewing on the inside of her lip. She’s contemplating something, her eyes falling to the floor for a moment.

“Listen, I am not just saying this because it has taken everything in my power to resist sinking my teeth into you,” The first half of the sentence put your heart in your throat. Nonetheless, she carries on, “But I have an inkling that you don’t like my brother at all. I think you like girls and you’ve never had the chance to explore that. You want to say you are a freak, but you really don’t know what that even means.”

“Ellie, I d-”

“You need to break up with my brother,” She states plainly, “And then, after all is said and done, I can show what it looks like to be taken care of.”

You agree, sadly. You do need to break up with Matt. And on the basis that you believe that he’s probably at the bar hanging out with old friends, probably with other girls, probably flirting with those other girls. You decide you are not going to wait anymore. He cheated on you once, what’s stopping him now? Ellie was right about everything, and while that revelation changes your entire perspective on life, you settle on jumping head first.

“Show me now.”

You watch all the blood drain from her face. She fumbles with her inked hands, waiting for you to say you didn’t mean it. That moment never comes.

“Are you sure about that?”

Swallowing hard, you just nod. You do not even realize what you are getting yourself into, but the undeniable chemistry cannot be ignored anymore. You don’t even want to waste another thought on Matt. You know if you think too hard about it, you’ll talk yourself back into staying with him.

Ellie’s face gets closer to yours and your lips connect seamlessly. She wastes no time, bringing her hands down to your waist to pull you in. You wrap your arms around her neck while fireworks erupt in your chest.

Her lips taste like mint and a dab pen your college roommate made you hit a couple of months ago. She was borderline intoxicating.

She backs you up towards her bed, letting your knees hit the edge of the mattress. You plop down, disconnecting from her lips.

Through hooded lids, she asks you, “Do you want to see my favorite tattoo, then?”

Your breathing hitches as she does not even wait for a response, she just pulls her tank top over her head.

Each piece is connected somehow. Her stomach piece is what appeared to be a dragon flying up towards her under-boob area. It was extremely detailed and took up a large half of her upper stomach. Around her collarbones were very intricate lines that almost rain over her body like veins. They spread down her chest onto her boobs, where around her nipples were two matching daggers appearing to go through her areola.

You smirk at the idea that these are her favorite tattoos. The cheeky ones around her tits.

“Holy shit, Ellie.”

You reach out and touch her tits, ever so delicately. You use your finger to outline the daggers, smiling to yourself.

Being this close sends a pulsating feeling down to your pussy. You have never felt a lightning strike quite like it before.

She’s letting you feel her up, but when you change your tune and start pinching at her nipples, she throws her head back with a groan.

“Hmm, you should try putting one in your mouth,” She remarks, hoping to God you would be eager enough to do so. She was very in tune with you because you leaned forward taking her right nipple into your mouth. She’s guiding you around every turn, whispering how good you are doing already.

You release her with a pop and sit back. You reach around to release your own, but she stops you.

“Lemme do it,” She says mounting your lap. You place your hand on her hips while she runs her fingertips across your back. She unhooks your black bra, letting your tits spill out.

You feel the tops of your hands stand up as soon as her hands begin to knead your tits. You glance down at her movements, watching your sensitive nipples perk up due to the attention she’s giving them.

“Mmm, you like that, sweetness?”

You just groan, your lips needing to do more than just talk. You pull Ellie’s ajar mouth down to yours, diving your tongue between her teeth. You never had such a hunger for anyone else. No guy ever made you feel this way.

She nudges your shoulders, having you fall onto your back. Her lips move away from yours and start to trail down your neck and chest. When her wet mouth touches your tits, you cannot control the sounds that leave your throat. She bites down on your supple skin, which makes you groan more.

“You gotta quiet down a bit. Don’t need anyone hearing us.”

You try to manage your noises, but as soon as she starts to kiss down to the hem of the sweatpants she loaned you, you know you’ll never be quiet like she needs you to be. She tugs at the waistband, taking your underwear with it.

You are now butt naked on her bed. And god, the air is hitting the wetness between your legs is titillating.

“Listen, sweets,” She whispers, palming your thighs with her tattooed hands, “I’m going to make you cum on my tongue first. Then I am going to fuck this pussy so good, you won’t know any other cock but the fake one in my side table. You hear me?”

Your stomach is in knots, but you know that this is what you really want. “Okay, Ellie. Please do whatever you think I will like.”

“You’re gonna like it all, baby girl. And if it gets a bit dodgy, you just let me know and we can stop.”

You shake your head positively as she smiles between your legs. She starts by kissing up your thighs, keeping you completely in a trance. When her mouth finds your slit, she licks a long stripe. She takes her time, working her tongue in between your pussy lips. The wet sound that happens when she shakes her head is pornographic. When she finds your clit, she encases it and starts to suck lightly. You scream out in pleasure, never feeling this sensitive before. It usually took a whole lot of Matt lazily fingering you and fucking you to illicit such a response. Ellie is building up an orgasm within you in record time.

She uses her fingers to open up your pussy a little bit more. You instinctively want to close your legs, but her left arm has your legs locked on her bed. Her middle and index fingers curl inside you with every motion forward.

Her eyes are closed and you are laser-focused on her expressions. She’s putting her all into making you feel good and it’s relieving to watch someone put so much care into it.

You notice the small little freckles that scatter across her nose get lighter as they reach her cheekbones. She’s so fucking pretty.

“Jesus, you’re doin’ so good sweetheart. You feel so good.”

“Oh my god, Ellie, please don’t stop,” Your voice is strained, begging her to continue fucking you. She chuckles and begins to pick up speed. Your mind is cluttered, unsure how you can feel this good.

When the peripherals of your vision begin to get white, you know it’s over. She latches her lips back onto your clit, humming to drag the orgasm out of you. When it happens, your deep guttural moans get muffled by her palm.

You think your heart is going to stop beating.

Once you begin to feel your muscles relax, Ellie is crawling on top of you, hovering over your chest, her lips kissing your collarbones.

“You did such a great job, baby girl,” She dotes, her short hair falling across her forehead, “You’re so fuckin’ sexy.”

Your heart swells up a thousand sizes. You never got called that before, let alone felt sexy. But Ellie had this aura to her. She made you feel sexy, desirable, wanted.

Your hand reaches up to tuck her hair behind her ear, “Please show me more.”

She nods, before she leans back on her knees. She balances on one leg before shoving her pajama shorts down. The ink travels to every part of her body and you wonder if the ones around her hips hurt. The snakes that travel up her thighs, have their heads resting right on her hip bones.

You sit up and observe her movements, she’s fumbling with something in her drawer. She seemingly cannot find what she’s looking for and slams it shut.

“How about this,” She says with a huff, “I want you to see what it feels like to grind that pretty little pussy on mine anyway. The strap will have to wait.”

You feel the blood drain from your face, “The strap?”

She giggles at your not-so-faux innocence. “We will try that next time.”

You aren’t ready for her to grab onto your legs and move you like a rag doll around her bed. She rests her body horizontally from yours, her lower half lining up with yours. You were not sure how this worked, but you had heard of scissoring before. The technicality was lost on you.

You sit up waiting for instruction, but Ellie is so hypnotized by your wet slit, she doesn’t even look at you. You watch her reach out and touch your dripping center and it sends an electric shock down your limbs. You throw your head back, hissing at the action.

“God, that cunt is so pretty.”

You finally look back at her, wanting nothing more but to fuck her like she fucked you. So in return for her toying with you, you hastily reach out and touch her pussy. You are confused by what to do, but by her reaction, you know you did something right.

“Tell me what we are doing,” You beg, closing your legs in closer to hers. She nods, watching your fingers pull apart her pussy lips.

“Pull your cunt against mine and ride me like you’d ride Matt’s dick.”

You halt your movements, “Ride him?”

“You’ve never ridden him before?”

Your response was your silence. You had never explored much with him, simply because he was quick to get his nut before traversing to other territories.

She helps you sit up, hover your cunt over hers. You can not lie, the sight of her sticky wet pussy was hot. She guides you down so your mound is on hers. She bites her lip as you practically drool watching your purely untouched body against her painted figure.

“Now move your hips back,” Her hands are gripping onto your hips, showing you the way, “And forth.”

The friction is immediately overstimulating, but it feels like an itch you’ve never scratched. So fucking delicious.

“Shit…” You groan at the response your body is giving you.

“Practice makes perfect, baby. Keep moving those hips.”

You have never been on top, but it’s almost freeing to be in control of the movements. You weren’t sure what you should grip onto as you rubbed your pussy against hers, so you grip onto your own shoulders. Your hips gyrate, the slickness between your legs starts trailing down to Ellie’s navy blue sheets.

“God, this pussy is so fucking perfect,” Ellie says through gritted teeth. She holds down your hips, somehow trying to get you closer to her.

“It’s yours.” You whine, letting the lust take over your speech. You had no clue what that meant for this situation, you just knew that Ellie knew how to fuck you and it was bliss. Your hands leave your shoulders and eventually find Ellie’s tits.

“This pussy is mine? The first cunt you fuck is the cunt you fuck forever?”

You want to laugh, but the bubble in your stomach is about to burst already with how fucked out of your mind you are. “If the cunt is yours, then yes. I want this forever.”

Ellie sucks on her two fingers before she reaches down, finding the very top of your cunt, and begins to press down on that sensitive little bud. The saliva only mixes with the messiness of your liquids. You squeeze her nipples in response.

“Never going back to my stupid fuckin’ brother, hm? This pussy belongs to me.”

“Yes, Ellie, fuck!”

She smiles at your quickening pace. She knows you’re reaching your breaking point, and she knows that she’s close herself.

“Come for me, baby. Come all over my fuckin’ cunt.”

You jolt forward, your hips stilling over hers. You don’t know if you’ve felt a sensation quite like it. You had tears pricking the corners of your eyes as your body felt like a volcano erupting. The curses leaving Ellie’s lips as she came from your orgasm only added to the high you felt. You knew words were leaving your mouth, but they were just jumbled together strings of sentences.

“Jesus Christ…”

“It feels so good…”

“I want this pussy forever…”

You fall over next to Ellie, your legs still intertwined with hers. She was trying to catch her breath, her body still jittery from her high.

“That was per-”

“Babe!!”

Your stomach drops to your ass when you hear Matt’s voice.

You jump up from Ellie’s bed, finding the closest clothes you can grab at. Ellie does the same, but takes her time throwing a tank top over her bed head. His footsteps are practically running up the steps.

You are still wobbly on your legs, practically falling over trying to put on the pants she loaned you. You just keep saying “fuck” over and over again, knowing that you two will probably be caught. You just finished putting on a shirt when he barges into the room.

He’s drunk.

“What are you still doing in here?” He asks you in an accusatory slurred voice. Collin is close behind him, trying to shush him.

“Chill, dude. I was just showin’ her some of my art.” Ellie defends, plopping down on her bed. She’s trying to mask the fact that her bed is wet with your cum.

While he blabs about how Ellie sucks at art, which he is very wrong about, you notice a red blotch on his shirt collar. You zero in on it because you fucking knew.

“Matt, what’s on your neck?” You interrupt.

He stops his rant to look down at you. His eyes are bloodshot. He’s so gone that his mind can’t make up an excuse.

“It’s from Sophie,” He blurts out, his lips getting ahead of his brain. Ellie pauses and the entire room goes dead silent. You had no idea what to say back to that. You had no clue who Sophie was. You honestly did not care, your relationship was already done in your head. You were just kind of shell-shocked that it happened exactly how your mind doctored it.

You glance over at Ellie who is already looking at you. Collin clears his throat.

“I think this a conversation for the morning,” Collin says, grabbing Matt’s arm to tug him out of the room.

You nod, “Yeah, Collin, great idea. Why don’t you take Matt to bed? Tuck him in and give him a sweet kiss like Sophie did.”

Matt’s face turns bright red, the same thing it always did when he got mad at you. Before he could lash out at you, Collin drags him out of the room and into the hall. Before shutting the door behind him, he says, “I’m sorry.”

You furrow your eyebrows, “It’s fine. It’s not the first time. But it will be the last.”

When the door clicks shut, you hear Matt whisper yelling at Collin about how big of a bitch you are. How you didn’t deserve him. Yadda-yadda-yadda.

Ellie just gawks at you. The tone of the room changed so drastically so quickly that you felt almost disconnected from reality.

“You okay?” She asks innocently, her hand holding onto your shoulder.

Your legs are still weak. “Yeah, I think I’ll need more practice though.”

She is confused, you can tell by the look on her face. “Huh?”

“I’ll need more practice riding you. And, hey, you didn’t get to use that fake dick on me, remember?”

taglist (for those who said they wanted this haha)

@cavillscurls @satellitespinner @mourningdovee @hockeyhughes @stonerzdaze420692 @00ops1e @sunflowerwinds @holilogram @whoucallingalesbian @aurelialuna

#writing this took so long cause I hate everything I write sometimes #thanks for you patience #anon request #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams smut #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x female reader #ellie tlou #the last of us #the last of us 2 #tlou #tlou part 2 #ellie williams au #gracieheartspedro

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luvyeni · 3 months ago

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1095 DAYS ,, 방찬

pairings ‎⸝⸝⸝ exinmate!bangchan x fem!reader wc. 1.3k

genre. smut

🦢◞  including ... oral ( m. receiving ), unprotected sex, breeding kink, daddy kink

request. HERE I AM AGAIN! Ahem so I want a chan smut "he comes out of prison after 2 years for killing your psycho ex and you wait for him at home dressed in his fav way ;)" yeahhhh sounds horrible and freaky but I trust you ;)))

「 ୨୧ authors note 」 enjoy it probably one of my favs in a while !

❪ masterlist! ❫

1095 days; 16 hours, 30 minutes and 23 agonizing seconds since you could wake up to his arms warmly wrapped around you in the morning, hear his laugh when he tells you a corny joke that you laugh at just to make him smile— it was finally coming to an end.

3 years before you met chan; you were in a very physically and verbally abusive relationship with your ex; he destroyed you and everything around you— if it wasn't for chan you probably wouldn't have escaped; he saved you, and after he saved you he protected you, didn't let anyone harm you.

when your ex began to stalk you again; finding your shared apartment with chan, breaking into your home thinking you were alone; fortunately for you; you were weren't, but you couldn't say the same thing about your ex. he left out in a body bag, but the love of your life; the only man to protect you was also leaving out that night— in handcuffs.

the court process was long and stressful; and in the end he was sentenced to 5 years in prison for the murder of your ex— 5 years which you told him you'd serve right by his side; well on the outside.

it was the hardest time of both your lives; seeing him locked up in a cage when you went to visit him; sometimes covered in bruises due to fights he would get into with other inmates. only being able to speak to him for short periods of time, most of the time it was him listening to you cry about how you missed him and you needed him, which only made him upset; but he would never change what he did , if he could go back and do it again, he would.

luckily it was all over; he was released, 3 years later; 2 years before his release due to good behavior— he couldn't wait to be and to touch you, it was the first thing he thought about as he walked through those gates. “look at you.” lee know a good friend of his waited with his car. “you’re fucking jacked, did all you do was work out?” he pulled the boy into a hug. “ah! so good to be out.” he said. “and that's all i could do man, that and think about my girl.”

“speaking of your girl; don't worry we made sure she was straight the entire time, she's waiting for you at home.” he smiled getting into the car. “take me to my girl.”

staring at yourself in the mirror; you looked sexy, and it was chans favorite. “perfect.” you smiled to yourself, heart pounding, you'd finally have him in your arms again— you'd finally have him inside you again. “baby?” you heard his voice , the door closing being him. “oh my god!” you shrieked, running out of the room. “channie!” you jumped into his arms. “babygirl.” he lifted you up. “fuck i missed you so much princess.”

“i missed you too.” you said , he groaned. “seeing you and not being able to touch you was fucking torture.” he said. “it's been torture.” you whined, kissing his neck. “i needed you.” he moaned as you bit his neck. “it's not the same using my fingers.” he could feel his cock hardening in his sweats. “then how about i give my pretty princess what she's been needing for the past three years?” he hummed against your skin. “let's take this too the bed room baby.”

he carried you to the room, sitting you down on the bed, taking in your outfit. “oh baby i surely did miss this.” he sighed. “good cause you're getting this for the next few months.” you looked at him with glazed over eyes as you sunk to your knees, hold the waistband of his sweats. “yeah?” he said. “gonna suck my cock?” you nodded; pulling his pants down, along with his underwear , his cock almost slapping you in the face. “missed this so much.”

you grabbed the base of his cock; kissing his tip. “fuck baby , give me what i've been missing.” you sunk down on his length; his head knocking back as you began to bob your head up and down. “that's it baby, suck my cock.” he hadn't felt this in so long; unable to ever have privacy in a prison cell; he was force to be celibate the three years he was locked up. “fu-fuck baby , not gonna last long; take it fully choke on daddy's dick.” he grunted , your removed your hand from stroking what you couldn't fit inside your mouth, holding his thighs as you took him fully , gagging around his length. “yes fuck!” his thick accent and deep moans , shooting straight to your cunt , making you moan around his length. “fuck baby gonna blow my load , gonna take it right fuck , take it right down your throat?”

he began to thrust himself; using your throat. “fuck baby im gonna cum, gonna fucking cum?” he released over and over. “fuck im cumming!” he shouted , cumming into your waiting mouth , pulling out cumming onto your cheek. “good girl , taking daddy's cock like that.” he moaned, slapping his cock on your cheek. “time for daddy to fuck that pretty pussy of his.”

he helped you up. “as much as i love this pretty outfit, it's time to take this off so i can get a good look of your pretty body.” you slowly took off your lingerie, he watched you , stroking his cock. “you like daddy?” he smirked. “so fucking much princess , your pretty photos is what kept me sane for those three years.” he groaned. “go ahead and get on the bed for me.”

he cursed as you climbed on to the bed , spreading your legs revealing your wet center. “so wet baby, you really missed my cock didn't you?” he got in between your legs. “so-so much.” you moaned. “missed it so much.” you said , running your freshly manicured fingernails , pink with his initials , down his abs. “please fuck me.”

he wasn't gonna deny you or himself , pushing himself inside you. “oh yes.” he moaned. “this is what i've been missing.” he slowly rocked his cock inside of you. “ch-chris.” you moaned. “so-so fucking big.” the familiarity of his cock stretching you out , giving your cunt exactly what it wanted after so many years. “go faster please.”

he pushed your legs against your chest. “want daddy to go faster, fuck you deeper?” you nodded, he folded your body in half , pounding into you. “fuck!” you screamed. “this what you want?” he plowed into you. “for me to ruin this pussy?” he hissed. “yes please!” you cried out. “fu-fuck princess , daddy missed you so much.” he cursed. “missed feeling you squeezing me like this.” he groaned , the last three years were hell , now that he was out , he wasn't going back , he would never leave you for that long. “shit im gonna cum.” he moaned. “me-me too.” you moaned. “please cum inside me.”

“yeah? want me to cum inside you, give you a baby?” he cursed, he was ready to settle down with you, he had it all figured out , get a job at changbins auto shop; marry you and start a family. “please chan , give me a baby.” he kissed your neck. “channie im gonna cum.” you moaned. “gonna cum all over your cock.”

“fuck baby do it, cream daddy's cock.” he watched your mouth drop open as you came. “oh fuck that's it baby cum for daddy.” he groaned. “gonna cum.” his thrust began to falter. “fuck im cumming!” his cock twitching as he came deep inside you. “shit.”

he pulled out; watching his cum leak out. “mhm , not done baby , daddy's still hard.” he began to thrust inside you. “chan.” you shook in overstimulation. “ch-chan please fuck me.” he smiled. “don't worry baby.”

“daddys got so much more cum for you pretty girl.”

©LUVYEN

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s0lemnhypn0s · 4 months ago

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(Warning for this post I'm half asleep so I might be incoherent or have disjointed topics. Bare with me, I'm trying to express my thoughts the best I can.)

(and WARNING! i discuss personal paranoias at one point during this, which include the topic of bugs and self harm)

"Billford is ironic we're shipping them ironically" "We don't actually want to see them together" "We don't think theyre a good pair" "its irreconciliably abusive" "its one sided"

ok I'm gonna put forward a take that might be poorly recieved: I think you all are misunderstanding Billford (And each character individually) and just reducing it to "bill abused ford" takes away so much of what makes their dynamic fascinating. And also claiming "Erm its a bit" while engaging in something you "recognize" as abuse only does a disservice to the topic of abuse and how it relates to the mentally ill (I will get into that later). You are treating the relationship as a joke and only acknowledging the abusive aspects when people come at you is just pretty scummy of you. Speaking as someone who experienced a near identical abusive relationship, where my paranoia was preyed upon, causing me to still suffer from the paranoia of being watched by them or that my abuser will eventually send someone after me.

In general, the existence of abuse is a complicated one and abuse is not a catch all, end all term. Not all abuse is built the same. Billford is undeniably abusive, but there is not a period after "abusive", are you picking up what I'm putting down. It's not just "Bill was exerting power over Ford and thats it"

Lets start with: We all recognize Ford is paranoid, but we don't seem to recognize Bill as paranoid in the exact same way, dare I say - Even more paranoid than Ford. I mean, ford got his "Trust no one" quote from Bill directly saying his rule of thumb for trusting people is to just trust no one. He doesn't trust others - He simply doesn't. And this is part of where Bill Cipher's manipulation of SPECIFICALLY Ford comes in.

Now I am going to speak from a personal anecdote of my experience with paranoia and delusions - Me, I will try to "safeguard" against my every little fear and belief that something will, undoubtedly, undeniably, be out to hurt me, and these safeguards are often extreme in nature. They don't make sense to the people around me, but they make sense to me. Sometimes they hurt the people around me. Sometimes, they hurt me. I believe this is the same with Bill Cipher himself. He is taking measures to make sure his worst fears do not come to pass. And because Bill is decidedly not human, only interacts with humans when he deems neccesary, those measures often take the form of something even more extreme than, idk, me shaving my head because I thought bug eggs were in my hair or trying to cut open my skin because I thought something was living in it. They take the form of something abusive (Which is also just... Something that happens with the mentally ill sometimes. I see you guys trying to separate our mental illness from our actions and claim "thats not making you do that". I see you.). Him trying to guard himself from something so terrible(facetious) as Ford's percieved betrayal ultimately becomes a self fufilling prophecy.

Not to mention, if you guys didn't notice. Bill without a doubt projects his own insecurities onto Ford. "I make you feel important" Ford makes Bill feel important. "No one loves you" He was ostracized in his dimension. "Who will miss you" He destroyed his entire home, nobody would mourn Bill, because they were all gone, long gone. "I'm sending someone to steal your eyes" Might be a stretch, but I look towards the silly straw poem "A different kind of eye doctor, who wants to make his patient blind" Obviously the use of "blind" here is metaphorical, but I feel its still in some ways applicable.

Bill very evidently experienced medical abuse and ostracization in Euclydia, something exceedingly common for those labeled as mad. (Which also brings me to the topic of people saying "I'm so glad they didn't make Bill a sympathetic villain in the book of bill" bc. Hi. I'm a guy thats experienced ostracization and medical staff forcibly medicating me in order to fix me. I think he is sympathetic actually). Not only that, Bill Cipher had a trillion years to fester in his resentment and his guilt, and you think that like. Didn't effect him at all. I really and truly beg to disagree.

Not only that: I think Bill felt a kinship with Ford. Ford was ostracized, he was betrayed by the world (and "betrayed" by his brother), he was regarded as a freak for what he was born with, just as Bill was regarded as a freak for his mutation in Euclydia. Bill thought Ford was just like him. Bill thought Ford would understand him, and furthermore would jump at the opportunity to burn the world down with him. And. to his credit. Ford does, in some capacity, understand him. As much as Ford could understand, with Bills lies within lies. Bill craves the intimacy and fears the touch. He uses fear to get Ford to love him, not only because he thinks it will safeguard him from what he fears most, but likely because it is all he knows, all he was taught. Love through fear. Our love is painful, but we only want to help. Pain in love is natural. It's right. It will only hurt a little. This is how you know we love you. He was shocked when Ford rejected him. He thought he did everything right. He had everything planned, for them to be together for eternity.

And bare in mind also that - Bill. Most evidently. Views himself as a monster. When Ford asks about what happened to his dimension, who destroyed it - Bill responds "A monster.", he says "Sixer, it would eat you alive" when Ford offers to help hunt it down. He lets his mask of jovial, mysterious mischief drop just slightly, and we understand just a little bit more of how he feels about the euclidean massacre, how he understands himself through his actions. And what he understands, is that this is just his nature. "I liberated my dimension, Stanford", a lie but not in the way you'd think. He lies, acting like what he did was intentional, as its the only way he could ascribe "reason" to what he did. It couldn't have been an accident. That is just how I am. It wasn't an accident, and I liberated them. (I wish I could go back.) And I come back to the idea of a self fufilling prophecy, because its again- That exactly. Bill decided this was all he could be, he did everything that would make him a "monster" after the accident that caused the euclidean massacre - And so, he was. A sick prognosis that he created and fufilled with his own two hands, he became the monster he and his home dimension envisioned him as.

Abuse is a complicated subject. What Bill did was abuse, yes, but I also distinctly believe it to be a case of abuse between two mentally ill people, one of which is so old, his hate his anger and his regrets, all are ancient and yet so fresh.

I feel another part of the problem is people are taking Bill at face value. Which is exactly what he wants to do because then you dont get at what hes doing all this for and why. You don't get past the exoskeleton to the tender flesh beneath. But stop taking what he says at face value. Read into it more. Analyze the triangle.

Also it might be controversial (hyperbole.) , but I do thing it means /something/ that during Ford's part of the book of bill, where Bill and Ford's relationship is recounted from his perspective, Bill is notably absent, whereas in the rest of the book, he is guiding us through it and constantly maintains a loud presence in it. You could interpret this in a lot of different ways I think, but the way I've chosen to interpret it is as a mix of shame, regret, and an unwillingness to revisit their past together. Perhaps even Bill having enough respect for Ford to not interject his telling of their story together, if you want to get real complicated about it. Paradoxal, if you will.

(Also I find the theraprism to be a most fucked "end" for Bill Cipher due to the medical abuse he experienced as a child. Something something, mad people can never escape the institutions which seek to "fix" them.)

anyway if you read through my mad sleep addled ramblings CONGRATS! i'm probably going to make edits and add to this when I wake up in the morning but i needed to get this out or id forget. billford is abusive but its way more complex than just... abuse. Abuse is a complex subject and it exists on a spectrum, for a lack of better words. and dont twist my words - That isn't saying "this is less bad abuse", this is saying "its complicated and just leaving it at abusive does their relationship a disservice"

#gravity falls #book of bill #bill cipher #stanford pines #gravity falls stanford #billford #rambles

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soft-pine · 2 months ago

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okay so @monstermoviedean is watching s14 rn and her takes are god tier!!! and you should all go read her blog please!

but it just makes me want to talk about lebanon/14.13 so much! like it really is one of my favorite episodes of spn. which is crazy i know because i truly hate john with every fiber of my being but i think this episode reveals so much about him & dean's relationship with him with delicious subtly!

and i've yapped at random on twitter about this but i want to gather all my thoughts in one place.

dean's relationship with john is The most important relationship in spn that i'm interested in unpacking. (i am normal and fine and this has nothing to do with my own issues)

i think for some people who understand john as abusive, it is frustrating and jarring to see him come back after so many years and just be kinda nice. especially given that dean has just finally started to talk to his family about some of the bad things john did.

i maintain that dean has been pretty clear with cas and like random strangers that his dad was shitty. but in 14.11, he tells mary the winchester surprise story. while he doesn't frame the story as truly a critique of john, it is a contrast to his quiet silence and pained expression after newly-resurrected mary says john was a good father in 12.02. in 14.12, dean opens up to sam about how when john was pissed off at dean, he would send him away. this is a stark new light on dean's comments from 7.14 where he apologizes to sam for sometimes "ditching him" when they were kids. sam quickly shuts down dean's apology in 14.12 and subsequent discussion about dean's regrets and feelings about john. but since sam's shift in his opinion about john in 2.02, dean pretty consistently keeps his criticism to himself in front of sam so this is a marked change. and the very next episode script draft includes the infamous "probably pulled the wide-eye hitchhiker routine. dad made me do it all the time on hunts. as bait." so, given the episodes and revelations that bookend 14.13, it's understandable how hard it is to see john and dean interact at all.

but i think it's perfect! because it so clearly shows every truth of their relationship.

firstly, we can look at who john apologizes to. in 1.16, 1.20, and 14.13 john is reunited with sam & dean after time apart. and in all three episodes, he apologizes and/or works to make amends with sam for their fractured relationship. in fact, in 14.13, it's a mention of the winchester surprise that triggers john's apology to sam.

in contrast, the only time john apologizes to dean for his childhood is 2.01 when he says sorry for making dean always have to look after him and sam. and then promptly asks him to kill sam if he has to.

it's crushing to me that at no point does john see the way he treated dean as anything to make amends for. instead, in 1.21 and 14.13, he frames dean not "having a home" or "having a family," "a normal life" as circumstances outside his control or as somehow dean's choice. and yet, john is entirely responsible. he is the one moving dean from school to school, getting him into credit card fraud, taking him on hunts. in 12.09 it's established that dean has as long arrest/warrant record which includes things we never see him getting arrested for in canonical spn. he is the one who always said hunting was temporary (6.02) and yet never allowed for a way out. so even though john's affect is kinder, we know he isn't meaningfully taking accountability for a huge amount of his actions.

it's the reason for the kinder affect we can look at next. because what is one of the most common indicators of abusive dynamics? treating people differently in public vs private. and critically for almost all of 14.13, mary is observing john. and we know that despite their marital problems (5.16), she considered him a good father. he doesn't know that the life he forced sam and dean into is the very worst thing she could have imagined for her children (4.03), but we can tell from his apologies to sam that john is at least aware of things he did which he regrets.

before mary arrives, he is giving sam and dean orders, "You boys better tell me what the hell is going on right now." i recognize he's very disoriented but this affect disappears entirely after mary shows up. i cannot overstate how much i love how not stern and harsh john is here because it shows that he could have always chosen to be like that. but there weren't negative consequences (a wife who might be angry with him) to face.

i've said before that i think one of the reasons that john kept sam & dean away from hunter gatherings and meeting other hunters (2.03, 12.06) is because hunters they met might have acted exactly how dean acts to krissy's dad in 7.11 and told him to quit. the hunters/community john did maintain relationships with were sometimes kinda shitty people - Deacon (2.19), Travis (4.04), Martin (8.09). not that Bobby, Caleb, Pastor Jim, Bill Harvell, Daniel Elkin were necessarily like that but I do think its worth looking at who John's friends who he didn't have a falling-out with were. Like Fred Jones who gave Sam & Dean their first beers when they weren't even 10 (8.08).

some other details about that first reunion kitchen conversation that always stick out to me are john finishing the drink dean pours for him while dean & sam barely touch theirs. it's also significant to me that dean tells mary in 12.01 that john died to save him. but here, he tells john that he died taking out yellow-eyes (which is literally not what happened. like specifically he died by making a deal with azazel). dean, always working to deescalate and maintain the peace, instantly clocks which thing they will each find more soothing to hear.

one thing that i see people often critique is the idea that john coming back is somehow the thing dean wished for the most. but what dean actually says is that this is something he's wanted since he was four years old. so it's really not about john back at all. john died when dean was 27. but mary died when dean was four. and that cause nearly every hard, traumatic, awful thing in dean's life. to some extent, i think it was about wanting john to have mary back. throughout dean's entire life, john used the loss of mary as an excuse for how he acted and what he made dean & sam do. so of course what dean wants most is... for that not to have happened.

and this brings my to my second favorite part of the episode. but you'll only catch if you're paying attention. dean says he's thrilled to have john back and yet at every chance he gets, he leaves the room john's in. he leaves the kitchen when john reunites with mary. dean gets the grocery list from mary while john has a tearful apology with sam. dean talks to john again only because he has to tell him about the pearl but then leaves to help cook. after dinner, he goes to do the dishes. dean really is not actually trying to spend time with john - even when they get a deadline for when their time with him is over, dean is not trying to make the most of it. and god i love him for that.

i sympathize with people who are frustrated to see dean fall back into the role of caretaker for john's emotions and wellbeing. and i agree but i appreciate that it is very clear that's what's happening. he's performing the role he's always been forced to perform. he may be more aware of it as a performance this time. he may be taking more steps to remove himself from having to interact with john. but i would almost feel worse if he wasn't getting john a drink, doing what he said, going on little errands, cooking, cleaning up. john says "You want to give your mom a hand?" and of course he goes.

i think dean always has held both deep hurt from and empathy for john and this episode is full of both of them. and while i think it's always hard to hear dean slip back into those moments of empathy (8.12 is always rough for me), it's so real that's where he would be sometimes. so much of being a child who's made responsible for your parent's emotions means that there is such a deep part of you that wants to protect them from harm.

i personally think the song "til it shines" by bob seger is an insane choice to play over their dinner scene. because, though that's not the part of the song that plays, the lines "Take the chip off of my shoulder. Smooth out all the lines. Take me out among the rustling pines, till it shines, ah, till it shines" always strike me as trying to see something through rose-tinted glasses in a way. or maybe acknowledging the performative, white-washing that's being done?

anyway, i understand why people want dean to have a cathartic yelling session with john. but honestly im not sure that would ever sit right with me. i think honestly 14.13 is kind of perfect. john comes back and it proves everything. john could always be kind (he took you to a freaking baseball game (4.19)). he could always apologize. he always did say he wanted the boys to get out of hunting but never even tried to make it happen.

and that brings me to my favorite part of the episode. my darling. my baby. my treasure. dean says, "i have a family." and what that means to him is his own. he gets to keep it. he gets to mean it without john's scrutiny. without him tearing it apart. the conversation sam & dean have over dishes is another deeply meaningful part. dean specifically rejects the idea of telling john the truth about any of it - even if it would change things. because he's good with who he is. "Cause our lives – they’re ours."

this matters so much to me because i don't think dean's healing can ever be contingent on john - not on his reaction, not on finally telling him the truth, not on john getting comeuppance for all the shit he did, not even on changing the past so john has more information because the critical thing that 14.13 and 4.19 show is that john literally did not do the best he could. so what could change that?

in the kitchen, dean tells sam that he blamed john for "the longest time". do you understand how much it means to me to hear him say that?! because i think of course blaming john is the first step! dean was hurt and he was angry about that and he should be!

but dean's healing can't just stop there. while i know there will be moments as he heals where he's angry with john again, the beautiful core of dean's healing i see in 14.13 is him being clear on where the boundary of him and his wants, goals, needs, and priorities are vs john's. i think a lot of dean's young relationship with john was him being forced to keep parts of himself (the parts that didn't like to hunt for example) secret out of shame and necessity. but here, i don't think dean is carrying that shame anymore. he is very clear on how what he wants from his life differs from what john would want but dean sticks to his own values. he has a family. he's good with who he is. it's just none of john's goddamn business.

anyway, as always mitski says it best....

plus we get two of THE MOST shots of dean's face of all time for me!!! like my god stabbing me would hurt less!!!

plus! PLUS!! CHERRY ON TOP!!! LOOK AT THESE NOOOOOODLES

in conclusion. your honor, i love her.

#14.13 lebanon #14.13 #damn i should have been posting on tumblr alllll along #twitter is so short compared to this #and boy do i love to yap #dean & john #spn meta #i understand i am doing a bit of a restorative reading of this #on purpose #and there are other readings which are totally possible #and make me sadder #but i like this one #dean studies

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deesseshesca · 4 months ago

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PAC 18+: How can you spice up your sex life with your s/o?

Now let's bring it up a notch...

Good evening, pretty souls, today I'm diving under the cover of y'all relationship to keep up with your panties/boxer.

FLASH SALE

For the next 2 weeks all readings on my ko-fi is 20$, only

Rules and Disclaimer

I am the type of tarot reader to say as it is. Nothing is sugar coated but everything is sent with good intention. If you are not ready to face some truth, you should vagabond somewhere else.

MINOR DON'T INTERACT WITH THIS POST

MINOR DON’T READ THIS POST

TW: Sexual abuse, DV

Basing myself on the legal age in my country which is 18

PILE 1

4 wands, 5 swords, 3 swords, 9 swords, ‘’I’m going through a lot right now, I need some space & time to gather my thoughts !’’

Mutual masturbation

Edging

Overstimulation

💌 Your partner don't feel appreciated enough in the bedroom. They feel like u are comparing them to your past lovers. If not, they feel like they don't compare. On your side you are tired of their toxic behavior. They are not toxic is just that they are stuck in bad habits. Which is stopping y'all from evolving as a couple. You are not satisfy emotionally, they are not satisfy physically. Anyway Pile 1, if you need any advice on how to deal with situation, you can always book a reading on my Ko-fi, link down below. Especially now that they are on sales for only 20$. (Link at the end of the post)

Much love, Shesca

PILE 2

2 pentacles, 2 swords, 4 wands, 5 wands, ‘’I look at my phone everyday hoping I would see a message from you’’

Cuddlefuck

No foreplay

Voyeurism

Femdom

💌I think your partner is usually the one in control. Y'all usually have some hardcore sex or even BDSM. There's a clear difference between a sub and dom energy down to even the look. One of y'all is real petite. You are probably part of the itty bitty community or you dick may be on the smaller side. Y'all are very delicate and graceful being. While he is all tall and buff or she is very curvy and way taller than u. If you initiate with a bratty attitude instead of being your docile self, is going to fire up the spark between y'all. Are y'all going camping trip or on a trip abroad with friend ? You should run your hand up and down his dick while y'all look at a movie in the living room, if they are a women, maybe play with their tits. Or when y'all back in the tent, you should initiate something knowing damm well is hella risky. It's going to excited them and finally give them a reason to do all the punishments they dream to apply on u. Since u been a good girl/boy (is not me...is them ), they only fantasy is about punishing you. Anyway if you guys need any advice how to make it happen, you can always book a reading on my Ko-fi, especially now that's only 20$ (Link at the end of the post)

Much love, Shesca

PILE 3

Judgment, 5 swords, Page wands, 8 cups

Check in : Babes, I'm sorry for the fuck up things you been through. You guys have a lot of sexual trauma. You spend your whole in poverty until you made the decision to become an escort or stripper. Which only added to the trauma. Some of y'all been in abusive relationship or all you life you felt like the only way someone will stay with you would be for sex. So you felt obligated to give some. But now you are in healthy relationship. The life you have now is a complete 360 of your past. Stay at home wife in the sunburn, spending most of your weekend supporting your kids hobbies. Nobody would even the guess how hard it was for you to get this peaceful life.

Dirty talk

Nudist Event

Power play

💌 Now girl/boy... what's going ? Why are only serving same old missionary with the men/women you love. I can feel how deeply you love them. So you are completely comfortable around them. Yet no split on dick or feasting on the clit. No crazy lingerie. No lap dancing. No nothing. I don't know much about life but I think when u are married you can defiantly match the freak. Talk nasty to him/her, giving him/her a VIP experience and they will go crazy. Send them nasty pic, girl/boy you have all the power to spice things up. Anyway Pile 3, if you need help on tapping back into your sexual self in more healthy manner, you can always book a reading on my Ko-fi for only 20$.(Link at the end of the post)

Much love, Shesca.

7 wands, Page cups, 9 wands, 7 cups,’’Karmic partner interference’’, ‘’I’m ready to come clean ! I can’t lose you again !’’

Food

Jealousy/possessiveness

Communication

💌 You are married to someone you don't know anymore. If you know One tree hill (the best TV show in the word), y'all make me think of Quinn and her relationship with her ex-husband David. They were a time, the person on your side was loving and emotionally available. Now he is crazy about profit and barely spend time in the same room as you. Than there's him/her. They know they can treat u better than your husband/wife and is pissing them off the way things are . They dream of licking wiped cream of your nipple, ever since they saw in that sundress at the pool party or when you do your daily run with no shirt on. Anyways Pile 4, I know you are going to figure it all out but if you want insight from your spiritual team regarding this whole mess, you always book a ready on my Ko-fi. Especially now, they are only 20$. (Link at the end of the post)

Much love, Shesca.

#love tarot reading #tarot reading #tarot #pac reading #pac tazercraft #pick a card #pick a picture #psychic #18+ tarot #relationship tarot #tarot cards #tarot spread #tarotcommunity

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pedroshotwifey · 7 months ago

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To the Flame chapter fifteen

Series masterlist

Pairing: Dark!Javier Peña x afab!reader

Chapter w/c: 3.4k

Chapter warnings: physical abuse, like hardcore abuse pls heed the warning, manipulation, mental abuse, toxic relationship, alcohol consumption, alcoholism, description of injury, choking and not in the sexy way, noncon piv sex, noncon fingering, panic attacks, emotional distress, anxiety attacks, this is fucked, please just go in with caution, like fr i don't think i can sum all the fucked up shit in this chapter up

Chapter Summary: Is this the end?

A/N: Hey to everyone who's stuck by this story! This chapter is very intense and I just want to put it here that everything that happens here (and in this story in general) is obviously not okay. I am here if anybody needs to talk about anything at all. Take care of yourselves ❤

*****

You barely see kindness from Javi for the next couple of weeks. It was pretty much the same as the usual, but now you have to spend most nights with a terrifying man you don’t know. Whereas your husband used to come home, tired from work but still kind, there’s now a stranger who seems to not care at all. It’s happened so fast—the switch—that you think you may be in a perpetual state of shock. It’s hard to comprehend, but the difference is there. Easy to see when you just open your eyes. The biggest you’ve seen is how his first move once he gets home, is always to the fridge or the liquor cabinet. By dinner, he’s usually at least a few beers or glasses of whiskey deep, and by bed, he’s drunk enough to be slurring his speech and forgetting whatever he says the second it’s out of his mouth.

A couple of nights, he comes home a bit later, and you suspect that he’s been to the bar on those days because he comes home already drunk off his ass. You don’t know what’s worse—watching the buildup or being hit with dread as soon as he walks through the door. There have been a couple days where comes home and doesn’t touch a drop, and you savor them. Those precious moments you get with him when you know he’s listening to you and giving you his time instead of the alcohol.You like to just pretend that everything is okay on those days, because blissful ignorance is better than ruining those good moments by thinking about the bad. Knowing you have days like that, though, makes it so much worse when you go to him, wanting to talk or simply be around him, and then feel the disappointment when it sinks in that he’s already gone.

It hurts every time he does it, because it makes you feel alone again. You’ve come to understand that he turns into a different person when he drinks, a person you don’t know. This new person—this stranger—likes to hurt you. He’s rageful and hateful and relentless and overpowering. You take a sip of your coffee from where you’re currently sitting at the kitchen table and shiver at the memory of just last night, when he’d fucked you deep into the mattress and spilled within minutes before collapsing on top of you, dead asleep. You keep telling yourself that you wanted it, but you know better. You’d told him no, and when he ignored you, you’d gotten scared. So you let it happen. It’s your own fault for being weak and you know it.

Besides, that voice in your pounding head challenges, what kind of a woman doesn’t want to make love to her husband? What kind of woman doesn’t want to feel her lover’s touch?

It shames you both ways. Not wanting him but letting him take what he wants anyway. You think that you might be doing it because fighting would make it real. If you just let it happen, he’s not taking anything from you. Maybe if you just let it happen, he’ll stop.

Lies, that other part of your brain spits at you. The more logical one.

You take another sip to smooth out the knot that’s formed in your throat. You pretend that it was never there. You’ve been doing a lot of that lately.

It seems like every day gets worse. He gets meaner and he takes more and more. You can tell that there’s something making him do it, something controlling the impulse to pick up that bottle and down the entire thing. You wish desperately that he would just talk to you, or that you at least knew what it was so that you could help, but you’re just as useless with that as you are everything else. You want to kill the stranger inside of him. You want to pull him out and gut him and hurt him in every way he’s hurt you. You just want your Javi back.

But even then, it wouldn’t be the same, and you’re painfully aware of that. It’s still awful and wrong, even now, in those moments he is there. When the Javi you know and love is dormant and there to hold you like nothing’s wrong. The worst part because you don’t know if he remembers everything he does to you. It doesn’t make sense, because you know he sees the bruises that cover your body some days, the way you have to limp when you’re too sore to walk right. You see the glint in his eye when he reaches for you and you flinch away. He can see the physical bruises just as well as your mental wounds, but he acts oblivious, like he’s not to blame for your pain.

You ignore the tear that slips down your cheek as you catch yourself caught up in it again. It’s so fucking hurtful and confusing. You want to pretend, too. Pretend that none of it ever happened, but you’re the one who has to wear the consequences, so you have no choice but to face them.

You asked him one morning, when you’d woken up and caught him sober as he was getting ready for work, why he’d hit you the night before. The night before when he’d stripped you and taken you to bed and covered your mouth with his hand when you began to sob. You didn’t mean to, but as you’d tried to get him to stop, you felt skin between your teeth. Just to see if he remembered, you asked him. You know you shouldn’t have, but you were so tired and the hole in your stomach was so large that you needed to know. Just to see if you could find an excuse to forgive him and close it up.

But Javi had stopped and watched you for a moment before his eyes darkened and he looked at you like he was angry at you. “You fucking bit me. What did you think was going to happen?”

You’d just laid back down and let the tears ease you back to sleep. He knows what he does. You know he does. He just doesn’t care. But why? Why doesn’t he care? Regret it? Feel sorry? What happened?

You’ve become numb with each day that passes, more accepting of the fact that you need to stop letting your emotions control you. The anger, the fear, the hatred. You can still feel it lingering somewhere deep inside of you, waiting for the right moment to pounce, but you’re content to just ignore it for now. Ignore everything that makes you question why. It’s like a tightness around your heart, a shield that went up without your permission. And maybe it’s for the best, but you wish it would drop at least a little, because you feel like you haven’t been able to be yourself around Javi in days. You can tell he sees it, too. But he never says anything. Does he even care that you’re changing, that he’s the one who’s changed you?

You set your now-cold coffee down and look out the window. How the fuck did you get here? You’re so tired of your every day being this. Alone in the apartment, and then scared when you’re not. Sometimes, you don’t know what’s worse. There’s days when you get the idea to just leave, but you know better. You can’t. Your husband is still here, somewhere. You can’t leave him because it would break your heart completely, and not being around him at all is something you can’t handle. And even if he wasn’t, that man who’s replaced him would find you. You know it in your gut that he would.

You let out a shaky sigh, brush away your tears, and stand up. At least you have things to do today instead of sitting in silence. As far as you know, Steve and Connie are still coming over Sunday night for dinner. The house isn’t too messy, since you usually start your days with tidying up the mess from the night before, but there are things that can be cleaned more thoroughly. The kitchen needs to be scrubbed, the living room tidied.

Javi had woken you up before he left this morning and asked what you plan on making. He’s going to bring the ingredients home tonight so that everything will be ready for you to start tomorrow. You’re actually excited about that. Not just about seeing people again, but also about putting together an elaborate meal. Recently, it’s been whatever kind of soups or sandwich stuff that Javi brings home for you to make. It’s been too long since you made something more complex than a casserole.

You bring your mug to the sink and start with that, rinsing it and placing it on the side with the rest of the dirty dishes. You take one look at the massive pile and decide you’ll do that last. You absolutely despise doing the dishes, Besides, leaving it for last will be more rewarding once the pile is gone and everything is officially spotless.

You start instead with the living room, and then the bathroom, and then the bedroom. It takes all day, but you’re proud of the result by the time you’re ready for the kitchen. It all looks as good as the first time you cleaned it, not a speck of dust in sight, everything in its rightful place. You’re proud of yourself, and catch yourself genuinely smiling as you make your way to the dishes.

You’re in the kitchen, filling up the sink with water, when he gets home. Keys rattle in the door, making you jump in surprise. It’s only then that you notice it’s gone dark outside. Your eyes flick up to the clock, and your stomach churns when you see the time. It’s almost 12:00am. It shouldn’t take that long to go to the grocery store. You know immediately where he’s been. Your body goes taught as you hear the door shut behind him. He doesn’t announce himself, but you can hear his heavy footsteps as he walks through the house to get to you. They sound wrong, like he’s stumbling.

Your hands begin to shake as you push the faucet to stop the running water and wipe them down on your shirt. You feel more than see Javi’s broad form stop in the doorway beside you, and you contemplate greeting him, but you don’t know how his day’s been so you don’t want to start anything if he wants silence.

You pick up one of the plates from the pile beside the sink and dunk it slowly into the water before pouring a bit of soap on it, continuing to avoid eye contact with your husband. The gentle scrub of the sponge against the ceramic and the occasional drip of excess water is the only sound to be heard throughout the house.

You can feel his eyes on you, and you have to physically resist the urge to squirm beneath his heavy gaze. You just try to keep your breathing steady and focus on your task.

“Not going to ask me how my day was?” Javi’s voice is hard. Cold. It makes you shiver. Wrong choice, then.

“How was your day?” Your voice in contrast is meek even as you look at him and flash a smile. So small it makes you want to slap yourself. You just blink and keep washing the plate in your hands.

Javi sighs loudly as he leans against the door frame, as if thinking it over. “How was your day, sweetheart?” He starts to walk toward you, coming up behind you and putting his hands on your waist, ducking down a bit to press his lips to your neck.

“It was fine,” you say, though there’s a pang of hurt as you wish so badly that he was asking genuinely. That he wanted to talk to you, wanted to be here with you.

He nods against you, his hands traveling down to your waistband. You squirm a bit but try to hold still in hopes that he’ll just stop. “Just fine, hm? I can make it better.” Your eyes shut. Of course he wouldn’t.

“No, thank you, my day was good. I’m just tired.” You start to push his hands off of you, but he doesn’t allow it.

“Well, I didn’t have a very good day,” he counters. “I was looking forward to coming home and fucking my sweet, pretty little wife, ‘n’ then she tells me she doesn’t want me.”

Irritation prickles at your neck, warring with the fear that’s made a home there already. “That’s not what I said, Javi, and you know it.”

“Oh, but it is.” He pulls you tighter, slipping one hand down your shorts to feel your panties. You whimper, trying to get out of his grasp. “I’ve seen the way you look at me, baby. Fucking scared. disgusted”

You freeze against him.

“I don’t want you to be scared, sweetheart,” he coos. He brings the hand that’s not cupping your pussy up to your cheek, brushing away a tear with his thumb. “But your tears are so fucking sweet that I just can’t help myself sometimes.”

You shake as he slowly brings his thumb up to your lips, pressing harder and harder until you’re forced to let him in and taste the salty drop on your tongue.

“I do it for you, baby. You know it’s all for your own good.” He makes your head nod up and down with the hand grasping your chin. “Just gotta keep you safe.”

He pulls his thumb from your mouth, a quiet sob leaving you as he does so. He grasps your hip again and grinds your ass into his erection. “And you don’t even care to show your thanks.” He tuts, and even the mock disappointment in his tone makes you want to crumble and cry. “Thought you were better ‘n that, sweetheart.”

You’re gasping in quiet and shallow breaths at this point, your face heated with shame. You know it’s not him talking, but you can’t help but hate yourself for what he’s telling you. You’re a disappointment. He thought you were better. You’re a screwup to him just like you are for everyone else. The voices and taunts swirl around in your head until you’re so overwhelmed that you have to close your eyes to settle them.

“Stop!” The ferocity in your voice surprises even you. The anger and hurt revealed is raw and visceral, out in the open for him to catch a glimpse of what you’re feeling inside. “Get your hands off me, Javi.”

He chuckles darkly into your hair, his hand now coming to your throat. You swallow thickly and stiffen as he loosely wraps it around your neck, holding you close to him. He doesn’t apply pressure, but it’s enough to make you bite your tongue to stifle anything else that might want to slip out.

“I don’t think you’re really in a position to be demanding things, baby,” he says the words gently. “Why don’t you try asking nicely.”

You blink, and all you can think is that you’re so fucking tired. “Please let me go,” you give in and whisper.

“What was that?” His hand tightens ever so slightly, and then slackens again. You eye his booted foot next to yours, and get the idea to stomp on it, but you know why that’s not a good idea. You speak up.

“I said, please let me—”

He tightens his grip, crushing your windpipe as he holds to the point where you can’t draw a breath. “Thought I fuckin’ told you who was in charge,” his voice comes to your ringing ears. He keeps still as you struggle, even though you’re trying your hardest not to. “Don’t make me have to remind you, sweetheart. I don’t like to see you hurt, but I can’t promise anything if you keep acting so high and fucking mighty.”

He lets you go, and you practically collapse against him. He wraps his arms around you and you lose it.

“Leave me alone, you fucking bastard!” You scream at him with the first breath you can manage, spinning around and backing away as you push and hit at him, trying to get his arms off of you. If you can just get away, maybe you can lock yourself in the bedroom and wait until he’s taken his anger out on something else. You don’t feel bad at all as you claw at him. You manage to get an arm loose and you use it to land a slap to his face. His hold on you loosens the slightest bit, and you use the chance to scramble away even as your stomach drops as you realize what you just did.

You should have known better. It all happens in slow motion as your head comes into contact with the lip of the counter, right by the sink. He’s forced you back around and is now folded over you, using one hand to shove your shorts down and the other to pin the back of your neck down. “Fucking bitch!” he yells into your ear, and you know that you just made this worlds worse for yourself.

You heave wet sobs as he brings his fingers to your bare cunt and roughly shoves two inside, your hips bucking as you try to get away. You’re yelling something as well, something that sounds a lot like ‘stop’, over and over again.

You can’t focus on whatever words are spilling from his mouth now, only on the ringing on your ears and the water sloshing around in the sink only about an inch away from you. A jolt of deeper fear runs through you as you catch the gleam of it, and you scream and cry louder and struggle even harder, trying to do something, anything, before Javi gets the idea that just flashed through your head.

Maybe it was your own fault with all the screaming, or maybe he saw it at the same time you did, but his hand on your neck starts to move higher, until it’s on the back of your head. You resist as much as you can, not even feeling his defiling fingers anymore as your nose touches the soapy water and pieces of your hair grow heavy as they soak it up. You can tell the second you’re going to lose the fight, and you realize that you’ve never been so terrified in your life.

Between the sobs and screams and tears, you don’t get much of a breath before you’re being submerged. Your body flails wildly, and you think in that second that you’re going to die. He’s going to kill you. The terror running through your body is indescribable. You just want to scream but you can’t. You want to close your eyes and go before you lose the small breath you have and water floods your lungs. It feels like a nightmare, like it’s not real, can’t be happening to you. But it is, and you don’t understand why. What the fuck did you do to deserve this?

You push and push up with all your might, using your hands against the counter and your entire body to try to lift your head, but he keeps his hand on top, not letting you breathe the surface no matter what. You feel so pathetic as your body shakes with silent cries that you’re forced to hold in through the panic.

You almost forget about everything else until you feel his cock push inside of you, and you scream. You forget, and upon the burning sensation as he forces himself into you, you open your mouth and take in gulps of water. Your body surges with pain and fear as the burn spreads up to your chest and then to the rest of your body.

This is the end, this is the end, this is the end.

Everything you’ve ever known will be gone. Your family probably won’t even know what happened, won’t care. Nobody will. Maybe Javi will eventually, if he ever comes back. Your vision starts to go black, and your body slackens, your hands falling uselessly as you lose the energy to fight. He’s going to hate himself, you realize. And that thought may hurt you most of all. He’s going to be alone, just like you. You won’t be there to help him. Your Javi is going to be devastated.

That’s the last thing through your mind as your consciousness fades to black.

*****

The end.

******

LMAO JK

Next chapter will be up next Friday 😘

Series taglist: @corazondebeskar @yorksgirl @nerdieforpedro @axshadows @melaninmommy

@survivingandenduring @kewwrites @oldenoughtoknowbettersstuff @missladym1981 @sofiparallel

@koshkaj-blog @sheepdogchick3 @movievillainess721 @jessie8605 @casa-boiardi

@justlulu @iamsherlocked-1998 @hjzghi-blog @glitterymanboy @letstalkaboutshtufff

@untamedheart81

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erisweekofficial · 3 months ago

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Today we're celebrating @born-to-riot, one of our Azris writers in the Eris community. 🔥🦇

She's the author behind Rancor and Risotto, an Azris fic that dives into Eris's inner world, examining his life and his relationship with his family. Lindsey fleshes out all of Eris's brothers, giving them distinct personalities that really make the world feel alive. And if you're here for Azriel, the Azris set up is so good! R&R is funny, heartfelt, and so much more. Please give it a read! 🧡

If you're looking for more, you can check out the rest of her fics here!

Read on to learn more about Lindsey's thoughts on Eris and how he'd react to the All For the Game Series!

What is your favorite Eris piece that you've made?

That I’ve published? Rancor and Risotto. I essentially wanted to do an Eris character study that wasn’t so thoroughly focused on his mother but instead his brothers and also his internal battle with knowing the man his father could have been vs the sad reality of the monster he developed into. Long story short, I’ve taken a deep dive into a certain version of Eris’ psyche and I’m happy with what’s happened so far.

Give us a name for one of Eris's brothers.

Egon

Give us a name for one of Eris's hounds.

Klaus

What do you think motivates Eris's actions throughout the series?

I think it's pretty clear that Eris has his own agenda that isn't influenced by his father. He has goals and he's willing to do whatever is necessary to achieve them whether that be partnering up with the Night Court or staying silent about the truth about what happened with Mor. I think he is very methodical and very patient, nothing he does is thoughtless. So all in all, I think Eris's actions are motivated by his goals, whatever they may be (take the throne from Beron or create a better Autumn, or maybe a secret third thing lol).

What do you think Eris does to unwind?

To unwind, I think that he takes his dogs for walks or hunts, whatever he does I think it's in nature

If Eris were to mentor someone, what qualities would he look for in a protégé?

If Eris was to mentor someone, I think he'd pick someone who has shown qualities such as perseverance and determination. I also think he'd pick someone who's able to be objective and that he can trust.

Give us a rundown of Eris's opinions on the Foxhole Series

First of all, I am going to assume we're ignoring the fact that AFTG is set in a modern world and Eris is decidedly not, so assuming he understands all the technology and modern-day references I think he would be glued to it. I think Eris would identify with Neil in a way that is almost too close to home and so he'd be invested in his story but at the same time he'd be jealous that Neil has this chance at freedom that Eris has always wanted. Neil's mom was brave enough to break away from their abuser and as a result neil has been on the run, I think Eris would think that Neil is an idiot for messing with his freedom all because of a stupid game but he'd find himself rooting for Neil at the same time. I also think that Eris would despise Riko (because he reminds him of Beron), he would think that Kevin has the right idea (i.e. his terror), and I think he would kind of react to Andrew like Neil did, slowly but surely. Finally I think Eris would be reluctantly but emotionally invested in the foxes. Again, he'd be jealous of Neil because he reveals he's a liar and the foxes still love him and support him. Eris doesn't have anyone on his side, he doesn't have a team, he's alone.

#eris acotar #eris vanserra #pro eris vanserra #high lord eris #eris #azris #azris supremacy #eris creator highlights

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months ago

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AITA for agreeing to be a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding even though I think she's making a huge mistake?

(Emojis so I recognize it 👰‍♀️💍🤵)

So my (24F) cousin Anna (21F) got engaged at the start of December. This was really surprising to me because the last time I saw her at Thanksgiving she was just starting to get back into dating via tinder after a couple bad breakups, and she wasn't actively seeing anyone yet. When I got home for Christmas break, my mother told me that Anna had gotten engaged to and moved in with her new boyfriend, Evan (~22/23M), an army guy she'd met three weeks before and that no one but her immediate family had even met yet.

Our family has always been pretty close, and this was concerning for a lot of reasons. 1) she literally just had a nasty breakup with her rebound boyfriend after a nasty breakup with her last long-term relationship, making this guy her 4th serious boyfriend this year, 2) she historically has very bad taste in men, every boyfriend she has ever had had treated her horribly and she ties her entire self-worth up into how her boyfriend sees her so she's literally never been single for more than a couple weeks since high school, 3) her older sister (28F) literally just left a 13 year abusive relationship with the guy who started grooming her when she was 15 and he was 28, 4) the groom is about to ship out for a 9 month deployment a month after their March wedding and military men are notorious for cheating or divorcing on long deployments, 5) she wants her dream wedding in March (giving us only 2 months to plan and fundraise), despite her parents already being in tight financial straits bc they started building a house right before unexpectedly needing to take in and help provide for their eldest daughter and her two kids and both my grandparents (who live with them) having sudden drops in their health to the point where my grandfather probably will pass in the next couple months and my grandmother could pass at any time (though tbf, were pretty sure no one has told Anna this since my grandparents don't want to scare her and her mom's in denial).

I also just really don't like the groom bc the one time I met him he made a ton of racist and homophobic jokes despite there being multiple black and queer family members present, but if that were the only thing I could probably bite my tongue since I don't think that's something that bothers her or anyone else in the family. I'm just really worried about her, since it seems like she's been going through something for a while and I know how hard this is on my whole family, especially my grandparents, since we all are really scared about what's going to happen to her if things go wrong and considering the circumstances, that's a good chance this will go wrong.

I want to make it clear, I do really want this to work out for her. She's head over heels in love and he seems to care about her too. I just don't expect it to go well and I've said as much to anyone who asked how I feel about it.

Here's where I could be the asshole: Anna's really having a hard time with the entire family telling her this is a bad and impulsive idea, feeling like everyone who has a problem with it isn't supporting her. She called and asked me to be a bridesmaid, specifically because "you've always looked out for and supported me even when no one else did, so I really want you to be my bridesmaid." I told her I would love to be there and support her however she wanted me to, and I fully intend to be the best bridesmaid I can be because I want this to be a happy memory for her and to take as much stress off her and her parents as possible. But now she thinks I support this marriage when I definitely don't and have been open about that with both our moms as well as her sister (the maid of honor), my SIL (also a bridesmaid), and my brother (a groomsman), all of whom are in the same boat.

So, am I the asshole for agreeing to be my cousin's bridesmaid while thinking she's making a big mistake?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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bruhhhh-huhhhhh · 10 months ago

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yooo is there any chance I can request parent headcanons for the safehouse crew (cod: bocw)??? been replaying the bo2 campaign and the Adler is Graves' father theory has a grip on me esp recently now that that mf is coming back

I imagine that Adler is a pretty distant parent, what with work in the CIA taking up most of his time and probably isn't able to see his kid much to begin with after the divorce, no doubt his ex wife has full custody of any of the children they had during that marriage. he's the kind of dad to buy his teenage kid expensive gifts to make up for the times he couldn't be there, usually related to something they were mildly interested in when they were like 7. And that thing is probably one of the only things he knows about them because they ranted about it to him when they were really young and naive. Russ is not as good as vocalizing his affection, but he's observant, and would zero in on any information and likes that his kid has when they express it... It's just that the usually don't with the distance between them. I think he does genuinely care about his child and still wants to show that they appreciate them, but just doesn't know how to properly connect with them on an emotional level, and usually doesn't even have the time. I don't think he'd treat his kid much differently based on their gender, he's still an emotionally-supressed mostly absentee father that his child would kind of just grow to resent as they get older. Adler is the 'he tried' dad. (I hc that Graves his kid is also the most likely to have a wild rebellious teens phase, and he'd kind of just let it happen so long as they aren't getting into any legal trouble because at that point their relationship would be so strained and he's just kinda apathetic about it. I think he's the type that would come home late to catch his kid smoking, and the only thing he'd do is ask why they started and if they know the consequences of it, then promptly asks for one and never brings it up again.)

Hudson, on the contrary, would be the perfect dad. Girl dad 100%, this man has a wife and two daughters (I think, might need to double check this one, but point still stands because I think he'd be good with girls). This man deserves a bo burnham 1985 edit. I think that he's really the type of guy who tries to squeeze in as much quality time with his family even with his work, and is the type to frequently show affection and pride for his children. Jason is completely soft for his wife and children, in contrast to how much of a no-nonsense hardass he is on the job. I am utterly convinced that this is the man who would always play along with his daughter's tea parties when he has tine and would never miss any of his son's games (he'd ask Jenny to record it for him if he's knows he's gonna be on a mission for a long time). I imagine that he really goes the extra mile to be the best role model for his kids, being both responsible and loving even with the limited presence he has because of his job. Hudson is the father figure some us needed in life ngl.

I don't think Mason would be an abusive dad contrary to what most people would take away from the one interaction we see with him and a very young David. I definitely think he'd have some major anger issues though, no doubt that trauma from The Numbers™️ and all the shit he's gone through as soldier and later CIA op would have an impact on him. He would never lay a hand on his own kid, but he's definitely shouted at them pretty frequently and has likely broken objects around them when he's angry. Much more so after his wife's death and being left as a single dad who barely has any idea what he's doing, and the only other person who can rein him in from it is Frank. I think he's more affectionate and less emotionally distant than Adler, but still just not as close as he should be to his child. He'd apologize for his outbursts and all but, being raised with traditional values from the 30s-40s, he isn't really the type to have those heartfelt talks about feelings because men are supposed to be strong and being emotional makes you weak and all that crap. Would be tougher with a son, and stricter with a daughter. Alex would become a lot more understanding and open over time when his kid grows older, and mellow out as an old man and just be proud of how they turned out despite how he was. The anger issues never really dissipates, but he learns to control it and be better for his kid for the remainder of his life. Mason is the dad you'd resent and have so much anxiety over in your teens and twenties but eventually make up with and get closure by your late thirties or so.

Woods would definitely be more of a fun uncle than a dad. More of the tough love type, but will always remind his kid that they're appreciated at the end of the day. But I also imagine he's a lot more reckless snd clumsy, specially as a first-time father. May not be perfect, has his own shortcomings in a lot of places, but he's really trying his best. I imagine that he probably tiptoed a lot when it came to raising David, trying not to yell at him too much and tried to be his anchor as much as he can after he was tricked into killing Alex (and then promptly going off on him when he shows face again after thirty years). Frank would be considerate and very vocal about his appreciation for his kid despite . Woods is the lovable old man that you'd have a lot of funny memories to look back on, and cussing you out is just his own way of saying he loves you.

I don't have as much thoughts on them but I think Park would be very overprotective, especially if she had a daughter. Would shelter her child and be very strict with them, making sure she knows how and where her kid is all the time, who her kid is with, and how safe they are. Would make her child wear a tracker watch and tell her all and any people they meet or see. Madam Shell's betrayal and her brother's death have definitely left a mark on her, and she would excessively worry about them at all times, to the point of it being suffocating and very invasive Lazar is the balance to this, more lenient and lets his kid have a right to privacy and freedom. Sure, he still worries a lot, but he has enough faith in his child to let then go off on their own when they're at an appropriate age. I also imagine that he gives the best best hugs. Sims would be somewhere in between, albeit more leaning on the stricter side.

AHHHH THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER I'M SORRY

bUuuuT

i love this idea so I'm gonna do silly little headcannons for it

How the Safehouse Crew treat their kid

Russell Adler

He's absolutely an absent dad

It's not that he does it on purpose, it's just what happens with his job

Russell tries so hard. So hard to be there, but a lot of the time he just can't because of work

If his kid does any sports, you can bet your ass that he's gonna be at any games he can

Now, that's not a lot, but still

Adler absolutely cheers the loudest anytime that his kid does anything

He'll also argue with the refs or umpires about dumb calls

Has been kicked out multiple times

Russell also buys his kid anything that they want

Christmas with him is like out of a damn movie

Presents are practically stacked to the roof and each one is more extravagant than the last

Is definitely the type of parent to dump a bunch of money on his kid for whatever they want

It's his way of making up for barely being around

Has missed his visitation days a lot

Every time he does, Adler sends money and presents as an apology

One time, his kid was staying over at his house because they got into an argument with their mom

He came home late and was met with the sight of his only child smoking cigarettes in the living room

"You know what those do to your lungs?"

The kid just stared for a second before nodding in shock

"Good. Don't be surprised when you get lung cancer. Lord knows I'm already getting close to that. Give me one."

The kid hands over the whole pack, and Adler takes one, lights it, and hands it back. "Don't tell your mother."

On the times that he actually has off and has the kid, he tries to make a whole day out of spending time together

Adler takes them to an amusement park or something, and its just plain awkward the whole time

But, by the end of the day, they're just a little closer

Mainly because they had a heart to heart on the car ride home

They even hugged!

Yay!

And then nothing changed

Boo >:(

Jason Hudson

Girl dad 100%

He's the dad that everyone needs

So supportive, no matter what

Jason does, in fact, have two girls. And, if I remember right, he loves them more than anything

This man absolutely has been caught playing princesses and knights with his daughters by his wife

His favorite thing is to sit at the tiny tables and have a tea party

Loves his kids so much

If he had a son, Hudson would teach him how to throw a football

Definitely would push him to join a sport

If he does, Hudson goes to every game

Just like Adler, he cheers the loudest

If his girls get boyfriends, you can bet your ass that he's going to let them know that he has multiple guns and absolutely knows how to use it

#WillThreatenToKillThem

Jason has to be told by his wife to leave them alone

He only does because he loves his wife so so much and he'd kill for her

Lots of physical affection

Hugs and all that good stuff

His kids definitely won't be touch starved

Is absolutely who they go to first whenever something happens and they need help/support

If he ever catches his kid doing something that they shouldn't, like smoking, he has to try really hard not to yell at them. He pretty much has to walk away to cool off before he can approach the conversation in a way that he wants to

Hudson and his kid are going to have a long talk that ends in a hug and a promise not to do it again

Overall his kids are well behaved and he's a good dad

Alex Mason

My poor boy

I love him so much, anger issues and all

Any time that he screams and breaks things in front of his kid, he calls Woods to come and pick them up so he can take care of things

He always feels horrible after he yells. Alex never wanted to hurt anyone. Quite the opposite, actually. He just doesn't know how to control his anger

Throughout the kids developmental years, he tries his best not to yell or get angry, but a lot of the time he can't stop himself in time

In comes one Frank Woods, who ends up coming over and taking the kid out for ice cream or to the park or just for a drive

He ends up being that cool uncle that the kid goes to when something happens

When he gets discharged (Honorably) from the military, Mason ends up going to therapy

And anger management classes

Only reason he does is because his kid ends up yelling back when he gets angry

And he realizes that he fucked up :(

So that helps him mellow out for his kids later years

Definitely apologizes to his kid for how they were raised

Alex won't over explain or get all mushy, but it'll come up as a simple "I'm sorry for how you were raised," and leave it at that

Will express his feelings through gifts or spending quality time with his kid

If he gets grandkids, Alex will take that as the time to make up for his kids shitty childhood

Best granddad for real

When he's older, he won't mind as much when it comes to telling his kid that he's proud of them

Lots of praise

Frank Woods

HE'S SO BABY GIRL I CAN'T

LOOK AT THIS GIF

Anyway

Definitely the type of dad to pretend that his kid is in trouble and then it turns out to be a prank

He would absolutely do it just like he did in the scene of the gif

Frank wouldn't yell at his kid, more just yell in general

He'll scream over football games, tv shows, dropping something, anything

He does not care

His kid would be used to loud noises by double digits

Woods would absolutely not know that his kid was sneaking out until Alex caught them

He doesn't particularly care, but he's a little disappointed that they didn't ask him if they could go

Instead of yelling, he would sit them down and have a serious discussion

Lots of "You could have just asked," and, "How many times have you done it?"

Basically he'd get his kid to quit because he knows it's a bad habit

I can't remember if he's a smoker or not, but if he is he would go through the process of quitting with said kid

Helen Park

She's kind of a shitty mom, ngl

Park can be good at it when she wants to, but she's got her own shit that he's going through

She can't handle a kid

In the early years, she's a little neglectful and absent

Then she does a full 180 and goes full over-protective mom mode

Trackers, constant phone calls, reassuring messages

The whole nine yards

She'll try her best to stop if her kid says something, but her anxiety is way too high to stop fully

Definitely the kind of mom to apologize through gifts

One fond memory that her kid would have of their younger years is her sneaking into their room and climbing into bed with them

She just sat there and held them, silently telling them how much she loved them

Helen thought their kid was asleep, not awake and hearing everything she was saying

Park definitely let her kid sneak into her bed when they had nightmares or got sick

She secretly loves it and is sad when they stop doing it

Okay that's all I got-

I didn't mean for this to take so long to make

#bean writes #cod cold war x reader #cod cold war #cod bocw #russell adler #russell adler x reader #helen park x reader #helen park #frank woods x reader #frank woods #alex mason x reader #alex mason #jason hudson x reader #jason hudson

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muzzleoleum · 2 months ago

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okay, this is going to be more of a serious post about growing up disabled and in an abusive household, if that's triggering please click off :))!! but i feel like it's not an uncommon experience and i would like to open up the floor for anyone else to share as well :))

i think one of the hardest things growing up in an abusive household and being disabled was that i didn't really have the option to seek out a diagnosis before i was around 16, I was already disabled, by the legal definition, and I already had multiple diagnoses before 16 because of check ups that showed there was something very physically wrong with me. But I have only recently been able to seek out an accurate ehlers danlos diagnosis after being diagnosed with hEDS and not having genetic testing done a few years ago. I used to feel so guilty about being impaired in pretty much every aspect of my life, due to disability, and my parents definitely made that worse. I've been clinically malnourished for my entire teenage life, but doctors didn't go any further because my parents didn't want to seek out treatment for me, despite doctors telling them they should. Now I am an adult and I can make my own medical decisions but i think the intersection of being very physically disabled and growing up in an abusive household is one that should be talked about. The only medical treatment that was given to me was when I was close to dying and it wasn't in my parents hands anymore, and while my mother didn't stop treatments from happening when I was younger she never actively sought out anything, and would only do enough so doctors felt i was safe to go home. Most of my family is disabled, so I do not think it is necessarily an ableism thing, but I definitely think the fact that i was already being abused and not cared for well played into not being able to get good or quality treatment. My family that I have a good relationship with don't know how i'm still alive because i've been close to dying from malnutrition and i've had a nasal tube twice (im getting another one and then a surgical tube now because of my inability to eat and absorb nutrients). I am young, my life has just started, and even though i am still not in a great situation, understanding it was not my fault and that it was the fault of my caregivers that i've been suffering so long has helped tremendously, and especially with trauma. Doctors did notice, many many times, I've been physically and developmentally disabled my whole life, but it just took a little longer to know what the specifics were. To no fault of mine but it is something i have to deal with.

To be fair, doctors were not great either sometimes, but all of the recognized there was something severely wrong. I have a good treatment team now though.

Anyways, I wanted to share a little of my story. But yeah :)

#physically disabled #disabilties #physical disability #disabled #disability #actually disabled #disability awareness #chronically ill #chronic illness #chronic pain #ehlers danlos syndrome #hypermobile ehlers danlos #gi issues #childhood memories #childhood

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m3r1m4r5u333 · 6 months ago

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"Eddie sucks for traumatizing Chris" seems to be a somewhat common fandom reaction and yeah. That really frustrates me.

Like no. Kim is the one who sucks here.

Eddie is certainly many types of fucked up but it should be damn OBVIOUS that psychotherapy is something that trained, licenced professionals provide, and only if it's a consensual relationship.

What is super fucked up is to learn about someone's trauma, grief and vulnerability and your role in it,

then show up uninvited at their doorstep,

and totally ignore them trying to say that they don't consent to this bizarre, unprofessional version of therapy you just randomly decided to cook together without having any educated idea if this gamble pays off,

and just pester them until they crack and have a meltdown in front of you!!

Kim learned of Eddie's vulnerability and trauma and used it. She trampled all over it, played with it, because apparently she is deranged enough to think that being an actor makes her qualified to provide psychotherapy?!

Also, let's maybe remember that she has been dating Eddie and even if she was a professional, having an intimate personal relationship with your patient is a major fucking no-no.

And hey, mind I remind you guys, to provide psychotherapy, in pretty much any developed country, you first receive an university level education - this means years of studies - because it is a demanding job, and messing around with people's brains can just fuck them up more if you don't know what you're doing.

So yeah. It pisses me off that people are blaming Eddie for this clusterfuck because holy fuck. He is the victim here.

Eddie exposed a major vulnerability to Kim, and Kim, the person learning of this vulnerability, had zero respect for his trauma, for his pain, and actually used the power she must have realized she had over Eddie... To crush him to bits.

Uninvited, without his consent, in his own home, fully knowing that she might end up even meeting Eddie's son.

Yes, he invited her in. That is my point - her presence makes him vulnerable, confused. He wasn't thinking clearly.

And Kim knew this. 'You remind me of my dead wife' is a very weird, charged setting for a personal relationship, it obviously can lead to all sorts of issues and power positions.

And she saw that and thought "You know what, I'll just make him confront his pain and spiral in front of me. That seems like a good, not at all fucked up idea.

I know what I'm doing, clearly I'll be his ideal therapist. After all, I am not at all trained to provide therapy, and he is dating me, and I remind him of his dead wife. Yes, this will be great for him. No way is it a totally unnecessary gamble that could end up who knows how!"

Kdjdbbrjjr. I hate her. At best this is super vapid, impulsive thinking. At worst this is a downright malicious abuse of a realised authority over someone who is clearly vulnerable, struggling, and unable to think clearly.

Either way, this idea sucks and if it turns out to help Eddie, it's only due to LUCK because damn, this "therapy session" was like flying a fighter jet drunk into a storm.

#eddie diaz #Kim Mindfuck #abc 911 #911 spoilers #christopher diaz #911 abc #911 on abc #tv: 911 #eddie díaz

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wastelandhell · 1 year ago

Note

I absolutely love your character Val! I'm a newer follower so I don't know much about him, but I love whenever you draw him. could you tell me more about his story? or how he ended up with Danse or even what their dynamic with each other is?

Ah thank you <3 I used to post more "lore" stuff on here and theres a bunch if you go way back in his tag, but in the last year I've just been kind of posting a lot of out-of-context and au stuff with no connection.

Him and Danse are both very opinionated men, and those opinions rarely align. They spend about as much time arguing as they do getting along, their relationship through most of the game is equal parts mutual pining and divorced.

They are finally able to acknowledge their feelings for each other shortly before "The Nuclear Option", but mutually split afterwards while Danse tries to find himself and Val focuses on establishing a stable home for Shaun. They reconnect about a year later when the commonwealth is in less of a state of crisis, and are finally able to pursue their relationship.

You know what, I haven't posted anything about him in a while, who's ready for a

This is not going to be very edited or formatted because I am a clown so. Sorry in advance.

A brief overview?

His "real" name is Vasili Gavriilovich Andonov but he goes by Valerie Anderson wherever he can, and does his best to hide his russian ancestry. He prefers people call him Val, though most of the brotherhood soldiers refer to him as Andonov. He hates people referring to him as Vasya or using his patronymic name, though thankfully there aren't a lot of people in the commonwealth who use russian naming conventions.

He's an autistic, bisexual, depressed alcoholic who indulges in stimulants a bit more than he should. He's surprisingly good at playing guitar, especially slide blues with his steel resonator guitar. He loves aircraft and built/painted scale models before the war. He's very lonely, even when around people who like him he never feels like he belongs. His birthday is Jan 12th, which is coincidentally a sort of holiday for the cryonics community.

He'll spend a lot of time looking inward and ruminating, and can identify a lot of his personal problems, but is not very good at "fixing" them. So he just kind of mopes around and wallows in self-loathing and self-pity. He's very gullible, and hates people messing with him. While he struggles a lot socially he is very intelligent, and is a genius with anything with an engine. Before the war he worked on vertibirds for the us military. His support of the brotherhood has nothing to do with their ideals; just that they keep him fed, paid, and let him work on aircraft. He's not particularly concerned with "saving" the commonwealth, he just wants to hurt the people who have hurt him.

Gameplay-wise, he's a melee/power armour build, with his highest stats INT and END. He can built so many weird and wonderful things that either explode or he can beat you to death with. Maybe both. His LCK and CHR are pretty miserable, nobody likes him and things are constantly going wrong. Playing a melee character in survival with MAIM is... a task.

Some sort of timeline?

He's the son of Russian immigrants who met in the US, His father Gavriil was an angry alcoholic who worked for the government and his mother Lidiya was a stay-at-home mom and a fervent christian. He had a sister, Kseniya, who was almost his opposite; a very polite and reserved child.

Valerie was small as a kid; being ginger, autistic, queer, and an immigrant made him a frequent target of his peers. Paired with his fathers physical and emotional abuse at home this made him a very angry and defensive person.

He spent most of his time away from home, preferring to spend his time in the woods around their home or just walking around town. He started smoking when he was 12 and drinking when he was 14, stealing from his father. As he got older he missed more and more school, spending his time committing petty crimes and getting into trouble.

While his father was more directly hostile his mother was equally overbearing in her own way. Val would identify himself as agnostic and having no belief in god, but for all of her preaching he still harbors a lot of “catholic guilt”, and fears that when he dies he will go to hell.

As he got older he quickly sprung from a small kid to a tall, muscular teenager. While he never learned to get along with his peers he learned to adapt an imposing, aggressive and masculine personality to defend himself.

When Val became too large for his father to easily push around he turned his anger towards Kseniya, whom Val was fiercely protective of. This only raised tensions at home, and Val and his father would get in frequent physical altercations. He contemplated leaving when he was 16 and could drive, but didn’t want to abandon his sister.

Eventually things came to a head when both of them had been drinking and Valerie came home late. Their fight got particularly nasty, and Val broke a bottle over his fathers head. He was immediately out cold, and Val was left shocked, covered in his fathers blood, believing he had just killed him. This would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Kseniya was home at the time, and ran in when she heard the yelling. Val tried to convince her to come with him, but she was shocked and terrified and refused to leave. Fearing retribution, and before he could really process what he had done, Val took any cash he could and the keys to his fathers car and fled.

He sold his fathers car and got something less traceable, which he lived out of for the next several years while he jumped around state to state. He picked up the occasional day job, but mostly supported himself by stealing cars and running drugs.

After he left is when he began going by Valerie Anderson. At first it was out of fear that he was wanted under his legal name, but he soon realized how much better people treated him if he had an “american” name.

When he was 20 he was eventually picked up for a minor offense, but given the political climate at the time he was offered the opportunity to join the military rather than face charges. As much as Val hated the government he was still very afraid of being connected to his fathers murder, and jumped at the chance to avoid any legal issues.

In his time in the military he discovered a love for aircraft, and pursued it doggedly. He got his GED, and went on to earn a masters in aerospace engineering. He never bothered with friends or relationships, he put all of his time into education and work. Lived and breathed for aircraft.

While Val enjoyed his job he continued to struggle with his mental health and substance abuse. He would frequently get into fights, eventually he got into a bar fight bad enough he nearly killed someone, getting the scars on his face at the same time.

While he was in trouble with the law he would end up working with his new attorney, Laura Walsh. She was elegant, graceful, composed, brilliant, persuasive, someone who always got what she wanted. And had terrible taste in men. Before the case was even over they started hooking up.

Their relationship was strictly friends-with-benefits, neither of them really cared for the other as a person and it was just sex. Over time, despite their best efforts, they came to see past the carefully crafted personas that they both presented to the world and fell in love with the people behind them.

He was 29 when they met, and they married less than 3 years later. They were moved to Boston for Val’s work, and it seemed like they would be staying for a while so they tried to establish themselves. Val tried to quit drinking around this time but struggled to face reality sober for the first time, and frequently slipped back.

Laura had always wanted children but Val was initially very against the idea. He still held a lot of unaddressed trauma from his own childhood and did not feel that he could ever be a good father.

Eventually Laura convinced him otherwise, and he agreed, again making an effort to clean himself up. When she fell pregnant his anxiety led to him having a breakdown at work, afterward he admitted himself to an inpatient rehab and spent 6 weeks there. From here until the start of the game was probably the best time of his life; sober, medicated and attending regular therapy sessions.

While Val was worried about his capacity to be a father, as soon as Shaun was born he lost that. That kid was his life, he did everything for him. He stayed on a break from work while Laura returned to practice, being a stay-at-home dad and throwing himself into domestic life. He even built a robot housekeeper!

His sister tracked him down somewhere around here and they began communicating through the post. She reveals that his father survived the attack, and was still alive, though she hadn’t spoken to him in years. They were planning to meet in person in the winter, though obviously that didn’t happen.

He was 33 when he went into the vault, and the main fo4 plot takes ~3 years to complete, but I think I’ve made this post long enough and I am too drunk and tired to keep typing. Safe to say hijinks ensue.

tl;dr hes an orange cringefail loser, and im hopelessly in love with him.

#asks #val #if you actually read all of that thank you. and im sorry.#id love to say english isnt my first language but it is. im just terrible at writing.#fallout

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reareaotaku · 1 year ago

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Rafael Barba Headcanons

Tw: Violence

You're a Defense Attorney and you go up against Barba a lot

You are friendly in a professional sense

“I sure hope your cops did their job, Barba”

“Your client confessed, L/n.”

You smile, handing him a court paper, “A forced confession and I’m going to get it thrown out. See you in chambers”

At first, neither of you liked each other. You were a pest in his side and made his life harder while in your eyes he was a servant of the corrupt justice system

But as time grows, you do happen to grow fond of each other

Making snippy little remarks at each other

"Am I joke to you?"

"If I thought you were a joke, you'd know"

He smiles, sarcastically, "Aren't you a sweetheart?"

You slowly became friends and would go out to eat luch and/or dinner together

"Are you asking me on a date, Barba?" You fiddled with his tie as he gives you his signature smirk

"Maybe. Depends on your answer"

Barba isn’t scared of much, but there was a phone call that nearly gave him a heart attack

You had been attacked in your home and SVU got the case because there was also a woman raped near by and they happened to find you. They took both your cases

Rafael had never rushed anywhere so fast in his life

“I’m looking for Y/n L/n. How is she?”

“She’s very lucky they found her when they did or she would have died-“

“Is she up?”

“She’s still unconscious, but she’s stable”

He waits at the hospital until you wake up

Was so scared he was going to lose you

When you finally wake up, he’s estatic

You didn’t want him to see you like that

“Y/n” You hear a familiar voice call you, but you don’t look up at him. He grabs a chair and pulls it near your bed

“How do you feel?”

“Ridiculous. Foolish. Stupid” You remark in a snippy tone

“It’s not your fault-“

“God, I hate this. I’m not a victim. It’s not a big deal. Everyone’s being dramatic,” You finally look at him, but he’s frowning

“Y/n. You were attacked in your home. You were beat while you were asleep. That’s a pretty big deal”

“I feel fine”

“You have bruises covering your body. There’s an open wound on your forehead and you had a concussion”

“I didn’t realize you were a doctor”

He signs, rubbing his temple, “Well, if it helps you feel better, the doctor says there was no sign of tearing and fluids or spermicide, so you weren't raped”

"Oh yeah, he didn't rape me. How lucky I am," You roll your eyes, before looking up at him

Rafael reached for your hand and you look up at him, “I promise I’ll find who did this and we will put him in jail.”

You look away, while also pulling your hand, “It doesn’t matter. The system is screwed, what makes you think you’d win?”

There’s a moment of silence, before he speaks up,”Well, thankfully he won’t be able to get the best attorney I’ve ever met”

You lightly chuckle, “You’re just saying that to be nice”

“When do I ever say something to be nice?”

“Fair point”

“You know… When I got the call that you had been attacked, I’ve never been so scared in my life. I thought….. I thought I was going to lose you.”

“Good thing my attacker didn’t know what he was doing,” You joke, but Rafael doesn’t look away from his hands

“I’m serious Y/n,” he says, now looking at you, his eyes downward, almost as if was going to cry

“Me too. Besides I’m fine”

He’ll spend a lot of time with you while you’re in the hospital

He doesn’t want to leave in case something happens to you

He makes your case top priority

He wants to catch the guy who did this to you

He doesn’t care if the person tries to plea, Rafael wants to go for the max. He’s definitely going to give him the worse charges

“I’m going to make sure you rot in prison”

He has friends in high places, some higher than yours, and he will abuse his power when it comes to you

Your relationship with Rafael becomes harder to hide and he doesn’t make it any easier

You stop taking as many cases when he’s the prosecutor

It’s better for him too, because he knows he wouldn’t be able to handle himself in court with you

If you do take a case he’s on, he’ll try and plea your client down, so you don’t have to go to trial

“Why did you give them a plea?” Olivia will pester, causing Rafael to swiftly turn towards her

“I don’t question how you do your job, so don’t question how I do mine”

But there was one case that ruined your career. You took a plea for your client, who you knew for a fact was guilty, there was so much evidence against him, that gave your client less than half the time he would have served if he was found guilty. Though, when he found out you were ‘friendly’ with Rafael, he made a remark towards your boss and wanted a retrial, but he’s not given one. Instead you are fired. Your boss stood by your side, but he said it would ruin your career and it was better for you to leave quietly without anyone knowing what happened

Rafael comes in to talk to you in your office, surprised to see you packing your stuff

^ "What's going on?"

^ "You didn't hear? I got fired-"

^ "Why?"

^ "It doesn’t matter." You shake your head, "Sorry. Someone has to take the fall for that case. I’m just the fall person." You shove the top onto your box, before awkwardly smiling, "It doesn't really matter. I just wasn’t cut out for this life I guess, it's no big deal"

"Let me go talk to him," He tries to reach for you, but you flinch away from him

"No. Don't make it any worse. I'll figure something else out. It's fine.”

Since you aren’t a lawyer anymore, Rafael becomes more open with his relationship towards you

“I would love to stay and chat, but I have a date”

“With?” Olivia asks, teasing him

“Y/n”

“Y/n? As in Y/n L/n ex-Defense Attorney who was your court rival?”

Rafael smiles before nodding his head, “Yeah”

“Huh. I never would have thought” Fin remarks, surprised

“You and me both. Seriously though, I need to go. I’ve had this reservation for months”

He’ll ask you for advice on cases (that the media already got ahold of) asking what you’d do if it was your case

He has a picture of you on his desk

^ When he’s working late, he loves to look at it and sigh in bliss

You still have your snippy comebacks towards each other, but it’s in a more romantic way

^ It has like a ‘I have in crush on you’ vibe to it

#yandere x reader #attorney x reader #yandere attorney #rafael barba #rafael barba x reader #yandere rafael barba #yandere rafael #yandere rafael barba x reader

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bibbykins · 2 years ago

Text

Moonlight Reign Ch. 4

A/N: Here she is! Another heavy chapter LMAO pls heed all the warnings and put yourself first always! Also pls give me asks I am a rabid dog without them and will rattle my cage without them. I need the interaction or else I will frown. As always, everyone say thank you to my amazing beta reader and loml B @rapline-heaux

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Yandere! Mafia! BTS x Reader

Words: 5.4k

Warnings: crime, sensory flashbacks, trauma, unhealthy relationships, yandere behavior, pining, violence, past abuse, past neglect, crying, familial issues, abandonment issues, blood from biting own lip, covering ears, pinning someone down, mention of open relationship, threat of suicide but as a form of reassurance(?), allusion to possible past addiction, delusional thoughts and manipulation kinda, the yandere-ness has begun

You scrolled mindlessly through your phone, looking for any kind of distraction as the elevator ticked up at a maddening pace. You just wanted to be home without having to worry about what Jungkook was going to do–

And of course, he was slumped against your door.

You heaved a sigh, swallowing down the pain of seeing him so dejected. Not that you had to try very hard as fear quickly replaced the emotion when you saw another man standing there next to him. You didn’t recognize the figure with an expensive suit, but you certainly had no desire to as he tried tugging Jungkook up.

The two men’s eyes snapped to you the moment the elevator dinged, making your presence painfully known. Meekly stepping out of it, you gave the men a tight smile that you neglected to remember they couldn’t even see since it was far from reaching your eyes and you still had the mask on. The man standing regarded you lazily, looking you up and down for a moment before his gaze morphed into an emotion you did know quite well: hatred. Pure, unbridled, hatred burned in his gaze, making you feel warm beneath your mask.

But what the hell did you do to this guy? You don’t remember seeing him ever, especially not in your past. Almost everyone who’s seen your face is dead, trusted, or in hiding themselves, so it wouldn’t make sense for him to recognize you, at least not enough to hate you.

“Is this her?” His voice was deep and filled with a venom you were sure wasn’t warranted, but you had little interest in engaging. It did irk you when his eyes looked over your form and his snarl deepened. You just got off work, can’t he give your looks a damn break?

“Can I help you?” You responded with an equal amount of venom, internally cursing yourself. So much for not engaging, dumbass. Your pride was getting the better of you.

The man before you cocked a brow, “Yeah, you could tell me why my boyfriend refuses to go back to his place until he speaks to you.” Jungkook did his boyfriend no favors in satiating his evident jealousy, his gaze only fixed on you with an emotion you knew nothing of.

Fuck.

That was a good question. A question that could cost your life, so you decided to tread lightly– or as lightly as you could considering how shitty of a job you were doing already. If this guy was one of Jungkook’s boyfriends, that meant there was a pretty good chance he was also a part of Bangtan, and you’ve poked that hornet’s nest more than enough.

You cleared your throat, “Jungkook.” He nearly keened forward at your voice saying his name, and it made you sigh, “Go home, yeah?” He frowned, slumping back against your door childishly, making his boyfriend glare at you even harsher somehow.

“This is ridiculous.” He spat, eyes never leaving you. If you didn’t know any better, you’d take that as him calling you ridiculous and say something stupid.

“Yeah? Imagine how I feel.” You sneered back. Obviously, you didn’t know any better right now. But goodness graciousness, this guy was shortening your temper at mach speed. You evidently had the same effect as he scoffed, “Look, what do you want from me?”

“I want my boyfriend to get up from your doorstep.” He hissed.

“Great.” You gritted your teeth, “Me too.” You stepped closer to them, “So why are you being such an asshole about it to me?”

He rolled his eyes, and you wanted to badly to see him try to do that with a black eye, “Becuase obviously you did something to upset him.” It was your turn to scoff, “So fix it.”

“Right, 'cause I’m the problem.” You muttered sarcastically. You were pretty used to being blamed your whole life for a whole number of things, but you took that shit because you had to. You didn’t know this guy, and you didn’t have it in you to care right now.

“You saying he’s the problem?” He snarled, obviously protective of the man. The jealousy at the fact that Jungkook had someone who loved him so much when you didn’t even have a pet was quickly outweighed by your anger and a twinge of fear at this man getting in your face.

“Hyung, you’re making it worse.” Jungkook groaned, and you were a little surprised at how sober he sounded. You thought if he was leaning against your door he was trashed, or at least semi-drunk, but he was speaking clearly, “Just wait for me at my place, okay?” The older man ignored him, crossing his arms and keeping his hatred trained at you.

“I’m saying no such thing, fuck.” You huffed, “If anything, I’m saying you’re acting like a real dick right now, and I’m not in the mood.” You explained harshly, “Take your jealousy or whatever the hell your problem is with me somewhere else.”

“Jealousy?!” He guffawed, “Me? Jealous of you?!” Ouch, damn. The way he could knock down your self-perception with three words was almost a talent. The power of tone never ceased to amaze, and especially at this moment, wound you. You knew he was more attractive than you. You had eyes after all, but evidently you struck a nerve with him to warrant that response.

“Oh, my bad.” You sarcastically mocked, “You’re seeming real secure right now. I must be mistaken.” You could hear Jungkook sigh, undoubtedly regretting helping you with your sarcastic tone years ago.

“Do you think I’m enjoying this? He looks miserable.” He grunted, pointing to his dejected lover.

“So leave then.” You challenged.

“Is that what you do to people you care about?” He spat, “Leave?”

Okay, that struck a nerve with you, “You don’t know a thing about me.” You fumed. You didn’t want to leave anyone, least of all Jungkook, but you also weren’t too keen on sticking around and getting yourself killed. You didn’t anticipate Jungkook not giving you the choice.

“Well from what I’ve seen, I can’t say I see the appeal.” He retorted. Is this guy calling you ugly or a bitch? Or is it both?

“Taeyung!” Jungkook scolded his boyfriend.

Your eyebrow twitched at the thought. Fuck this stranger to all hell, “You’re not doing yourself any favors either, I can promise you that.” You looked him up and down, forcing an unimpressed look on your face, and you could see him bristle at your actions.

“Y/n, come on.” He sighed. Great, now you both know each other’s names. Just what you needed right now. More fucking knowledge.

You sighed, not wanting to upset Jungkook anymore than you were about to by fighting with his boyfriend, “If I talk to him, will you get the fuck out of my face?” You prodded.

Taehyung clenched his jaw. God, you were the worst, even worst than he and Jimin thought. You had the worst personality and your face… It would only be fair for you to be as ugly as your attitude, and the fact that you weren’t only pissed him off more. Even worse, you were stunning with a mask on. He swallowed hard, “Fine.”

“Yipee.” You deadpanned, turning to Jungkook, “Ready?” You asked and he scrambled to get up, taking your bag of takeout from you so you could fish out your keys.

“Is that a routine you have or something?” Taehyung seethed quietly.

“I’m just being considerate, hyung.” Jungkook shot back, “Especially when her guest is being so mean.”

“The last thing I’d consider him is a guest, Kook, don’t worry.” You rolled your eyes, taking off your mask so you could put it away before you forgot. Taehyung already had your first name, address, and how your eyes looked, Showing him the rest of your face wouldn’t make you any more in danger than you already were.

Taehyung wanted to punch a goddamn wall when he saw your the rest of your face. You were stunning and instead of shrinking away from him and out of his lover’s life, Jungkook was clinging to you, and you were more than holding your own. You matched his energy, calling attention to how much of a dick he was being, and he didn’t care for the mirror you proved to be. Even with that stupid piece of tissue clinging to your lip, saturated with blood, you looked beautiful, and it pissed him off.

“What happened to your lip?” Jungkook asked worriedly, making Taehyung fume even further.

It took you a couple seconds before you remembered, and you sighed, “Just bit it earlier, that’s all.” You explained, taking the tissue off before flicking your gaze to Taehyung, snapping him out his angry hypnosis with your face, “Bye.” You urged him.

“Watch yourself.” He warned, making you scoff.

“Thanks for the concern.” You quipped back as you unlocked your door, walking in to let Jungkook bid his stupid boyfriend adieu.

Jungkook watched you retreat into your room before looking back at his boyfriend, “You know better than anyone you catch more flies with honey.” He remarked, making Taehyung huff.

“She’s mean.” He simply said, and this made the miserable man snort. You were anything but mean, your kindness was one of the many things he admired about you. It was effortless, you weren’t even trying to be good. You just were. It scared and enticed him so.

“She’s really not.” The younger man said, “You were really mean, and I’m literally the one who taught her how to be mean back, a little too well obviously.”

“Taught her?” The man echoed his lover. What, were you a child? Why did his boyfriend need to “teach” you anything? And why the hell did it bother him so much?

Jungkook shook his head, “Nevermind. What I mean is she would’ve been way more receptive had you just been a bit more polite. Then you’d have something to report to Yoongi.” He sighed, irked at the fact that his boyfriend’s kept prying about you since his mood has been sour these days.

Taehyung chewed his lip, obviously guilty, “We’re just worried–”

“Sure.” He cut Taehyung off, making the older man scowl, “Just go wait for me, alright? Let me handle my own things.”

“So she’s yours now?” Taehyung bitterly remarked.

“Tae, please.” Jungkook sighed, “You’ve never been the jealous type like this, so I have no idea where this is coming from.” He grit out, and Taehyung bristled at this, the words on the tip of his tongue but before he can even think to say them, Jungkook spoke, "Just go, okay?” The older man rolled his eyes but followed his orders, the doors to both apartments closing at the same time.

—

You had changed into sweatpants and a T-shirt the moment you got in. Not only was it because you didn’t want to overhear what Jungkook and Taehyung were talking about, but you also knew this conversation was going to drain you beyond belief so you wanted to be prepared to go straight to be afterwards.

You entered your living room right as Jungkook closed your door, and you plopped onto the couch, already tired of this, “I don’t know what you want me to say.” You huffed, sending a glare to your turned-off TV. Should’ve never gotten the damn thing if it was going to be the catalyst for this much grief.

“You know what I want you to say.” He sighed. All the desperation from earlier in the day seemed to have tapered off and now you were both just left tired. Part of you was thankful he wasn’t freaking out like that right now, you rarely saw him like that. In your years of friendship, Jungkook and you basically never fought. You could count the number of times on one hand. Most often, the moment a disagreement arose, you dealt with it then and there. Keeping distance and being dismissive was new between the two of you, and it drained you both, “Tell me why, and I’ll let it go.” He professed and you scoffed. You weren’t sure how much you believed him judging by the dark circles blooming beneath his barely subdued crazed eyes.

“What difference does it make?” You refused to meet his eyes even as they burned holes in your cheek.

“You said you weren’t scared of syndicates or mafias.” He blurted, and you stiffened, “So tell me why.”

You shrugged, “I lied.” It was a half-truth, but you knew it wasn’t enough. Gone were the days when cagey lies and half-truths were sufficient between the two of you.

"We've both lied to each other enough, but it's time to stop, yeah?" He asked, and you could tell his sanity was toeing a very thin line but you simply huffed, “Come on.” He groaned, “Why won’t you tell me?”

You remained staring at the TV, “I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t–”

“Both.” You crossed your arms, “The more we talk about this, the worse it’ll be for me.” You added, “And you, probably.”

“Fine.” He hissed, and for a moment you thought he was going to leave, “Then I’ll tell you what I know.” He pushed off of your door and walked to stand in front of the TV. It sounded like a threat, and in a way, you knew it was.

You swallowed hard, “Don’t you dare tell me a thing.” You warned. Knowledge is almost everything when it comes to risk assessment. If you knew too much, there would be no running away, there would be a chase. You could not afford to be chased. Hell, you couldn't afford to even be having this conversation in the first place.

“Why?” He challenged, eyes colder than you’ve ever seen. You pressed your lips together, not wanting to entertain this, "What's the harm in knowing things?" He was prodding you to show your understanding. He was baiting you and when you remained silent, he flashed a bitter half-smile before speaking, “Very well. I know that I am Jeon Jungkook, cyber specialist of the Bangtan syndicate, one of seven leaders.”

You dug your nails into your palms and fought the bile that rose up in your throat. One of your worst nightmares come true, and yet, you were stuck. Your body was rigid and your mind could barely process the million ways the reality of the fact could and was actively ruining you.

His words made your chest seize, and you wanted to throw up. The fucking cyber specialist, a whole leader, of the most powerful syndicate in the country had been coming to your apartment every week? How stupid could you be? “Stop.” You seethed.

“I know that you acted weird when the camera panned to the audience during the fight on Friday.” He took a step forward and you pressed yourself further into the couch, “I know that you said it was because you saw a teacher in the crowd, but that wasn’t true.”

“Enough.” Each word was like a stab to the chest. In more ways than one, you were sure nothing would be left of you by the time this conversation was over.

He wore that bitter smile so seamlessly, “I know it wasn’t true because I checked every single person in that fucking crowd, not just teachers.”

“Please.” You pleaded, pressing your nails so deep you could almost feel the acrylic snap.

“The only one who called into work that day doesn’t know you.” He spat, and you felt utterly ill.

“Jungkook.” You croaked.

He pressed on without a care in the world, eyes trained on you, “You wanna know who was in that crowd?”

“No.” You protested.

He clicked his tongue, “Too bad, it–”

You shook your head, covering your ears, “Shut up, shut up!” You exclaimed, palms pressing to muffle him.

In no time, he pinned your hands to your side, hovering over you with a fierce glare, “I can’t let you run away from this.” He snapped, “Not from me.”

“Why not?” You hissed.

“You mean too much to me.” The vulnerability and the sheer honesty in his voice, made you regret asking. Your heart cried out for more as your mind begged to run and never look back.

You struggled against him, significantly harder to hold your own against him when he was sober, “Let go of me.” You pleaded, your words having a double meaning that he didn’t care to listen to.

“Never.” He huffed like it was a promise, plucking at your heartstrings, “I can’t.” He said quietly, making your hairs stand on end, dropping his head to rest on your head, “I just can’t.” He breathed, lips moving along your crown.

“Can’t or won’t?” You mocked him, tears stinging you at the affection while he let out a humorless laugh.

He slid his hands from your wrists to interlace his finger with yours, still holding your hands down in a fierce grip, “Both.” He breathed. You hated your body for wanting to relax against his touch.

“You’re making a mistake.” You admitted solemnly, “You shouldn’t–”

“Enough of that.” He snarled, stunning you silent, “As I was saying,” He continued, pulling back but hovering over you still, “There was a certain Moon Byungjoo in the crowd.” Your uncle’s name made your stomach tighten and you internally begged Jungkook not to notice. The man in question quirked a brow at you, “That name mean anything to you?” You opened your mouth to deny it, but he shook his head, “Just stay quiet if you’re going to lie.” The venom in his tone hit your heart, the pain radiating to your throat.

“That’s not fair.” You whispered, “Like you’ve never lied to me.” You spit out, glaring at him, trying to look anything but how petrified you are.

“I’m not anymore.” He shot back, and you rolled your eyes, but he remained headstrong, “I’ll ask again, does that name mean anything to you?”

A mix of anger and betrayal filled you, “You know the answer already, don’t you?” You hissed and he flashed you that sickening smile again.

“He called you that day I was here, didn’t he?” He asked, and you kept your mouth shut, blinking the tears back as your carefully woven mundane life began to unravel, “Now, I didn’t know what you could possibly have to do with Byungjoo. I even went as far as researching you, and you know what I found?” You could hear your heartbeat in your ears as he spoke, but his eyes never broke contact with yours, “Nothing.” He sighed, “You basically didn’t exist until you enrolled in school.”

“That wasn’t fair.” You whimpered, trying to keep your tears in, “We promised we would stay out of each other’s business–”

“I can’t lose you.” He quickly interjected, his shield cracking for a moment to show you the desperation in his gaze, “So I did what I had to do, for us.”

You swallowed thickly, “What us, Kook?”You hissed, trying to hurt him even if it tore you down too, “We’re just friends is all.” You fixed a cold gaze on him, “Just study buddies who stuck around too long.” However, his grip only tightened on your hands.

“Friends?” He spit the word bitterly. He gave you an incredulous look, “Be honest with yourself for once, and then try to tell me that again.” He breathed, mere inches from your face now, and you had nowhere to sink into any further.

You wanted to protest again, tell him that he was being crazy. You wanted to say that he was looking for more in the relationship you shared than what was there, but he was no fool. It didn't take a genius to know that the feelings you held, the bond you both shared, the feelings you had wasn't mere friendship. The trouble was you didn't know what the hell it was. It was the deepest connection you'd ever had and yet, you had no idea where to place it.

He sighed, eyes cast down for a moment, “I didn’t want to do that, you know?” He admitted, pulling back a little, “When the guys found out I made a friend they insisted on doing a full background check, a week of tailing, and even random bout of tailing, but I told them to stay out of it.” He admitted, and your body shivered at his protective tone, “Our relationship was too important to jeopardize.” This made you grind your teeth in frustration. Maybe he should've let them dig into you or drive you away, save you both this grief.

“And now?” You pressed.

“Now,” He echoed, “It’s too important to lose.” You didn't get it. You knew why Jungkook’s friendship was so important to you, he was essentially all you had, but he had much more than you.

“What if it’s lost already?” You glared at him, but he didn’t seem shaken.

“It’s not.” He affirmed, and you didn't get how he was so sure, “We can rebuild, stronger than ever.”

You shook your head. He wasn’t thinking clearly. Something had to be wrong with him with the way he was talking like your relationship was so profound and… Your own lies tasted bitter on your tongue. It was hard to think clearly with him this close and with this much fear coursing through your veins, but even with all that, you knew. You knew he was right, and it made you sick to your stomach.

“I searched and I searched for any connection to Byungjoo and you and then…” You started squirming, wanting a head start before being viciously hunted, but he only pressed his arms into your legs, hands still holding yours, “Did you know that the first record of you started almost exactly five years ago?” He trailed off, eyes scrutinizing yours, “And I mean actual record, not the fake ones that were made also exactly five years ago.” Fuck, fuck, fuck. It was over. Truly, madly, deeply, over, “You know what five-year anniversary is coming up?” He asked and you tried to stand, tried to run, but it was no use. None of it was ever any use, and you knew it.

In the blink of an eye you were pinned to the floor, his legs locking yours in place as his hands stay intertwined with yours, “Don’t do this!” You cried, and the tears finally fell, “You don’t understand–”

"I couldn't believe it at first." His face was stone as you tried to look away from him, unable to face him now that he knew who you really were, "My y/n? The girl who I had to teach sarcasm to? The girl who needed me to show her how to use a coffee maker?" You struggled against him, wanting more than anything to cover your ears and just fade away, “Originally I thought you were amish or something, but a cold-blooded killer? A child progidy asassin?” His words were like fire, and you wanted to be swallowed whole by it, “How could that be when you were scared of your ice maker for almost a year?” What was once funny memories turned into stark reminders that this life had never really been yours to begin with. Your life would never be your own.

"Stop it, please." You sobbed, embarrassment crushing your chest as you squeezed your eyes shut. In your childhood it was all about the mission, and any other knowledge would just get in the way. You didn't learn how to properly write until you were a teenager, let alone interact with people your age. It was Jungkook who painstakingly helped you learn the most basic tasks and subtle inflections. He never once got frustrated or gave up on you and here he was, his palms pressing against yours as he tore your walls to shreds.

“And then… he said your name.” Your whole body froze, your thrashing coming to an end, but the tears never stopped. “He said it to me, and only me, but it’ll be no time before the other guys question him.” He explained, eyes still unbelievably cold as he regarded you. Byungjoo, that fucking rat. You should’ve known, but what made it worse was that if you never befriended Jungkook, your name wouldn't matter that much. They wouldn't know your birthday or your address or anything, but you put a target on your back the moment you let him into your apartment all those years ago.

"I'm dead." Tears kept falling, but your body was stone now, and it would be soon. All those years of trying to survive and be somebody outside of your father, would be for nothing. You couldn’t outrun your past, and you felt stupid for ever trying.

He ignored your words, but you felt him squeeze your hands a bit harder, “At first I thought you were playing me," He grit his teeth, making you shiver. You wanted to protest, but he just pressed on, "but then I understood.” You finally looked at him, confusion filling your eyes with the tears as his gaze softened. He leaned down to your ear, “It was fate.” The way he said it nearly made you teares freeze on your face. Something about it sounded almost sinister, but what was worse is you could tell he genuinely meant it.

“What?” You squeaked out, and he chuckled darkly. You could hardly recognize him like this, and you wondered if the Jungkook you knew was nothing but a facade or if this was just another part of him.

“Come on, two mafia darlings finding each other against all odds and genuinedly not knowing who the other was.” He pulled back to look at you, eyes transparent now as his pupils dilated, “We’re perfect.” He breathed. You could see he wasn’t angry, but you couldn’t recognize that look in his eyes, “No more running, green girl.” The nickname made your body tremble beneath him.

“Just let me–”

He quickly cut in, “I’’ll protect you.” He kissed softly at the tear running down your cheek.

You shook harder, “They’ll kill me.” You cried softly, “I don’t have anything to offer. I don’t know where my father is and–”

“Shh, shh.” He soothed you, but it did little to help, “I won’t let them kill you.” He promised, and you weren’t sure how much he could keep the promise, “If they do, I’m going with you.” Your eyes bulged at this.

“You can’t mean that.” You tried to reason with him, but he simply shook his head.

“I mean everything I say to you.” He leaned his forehead against yours, breathing you in deeply, “You’d do well to remember that, okay?” He pressed another kiss to your forehead, “I’m gonna go talk to them in a bit.” He sighed, not looking forward to it.

“T-Tonight?” You asked.

He hummed in agreement, “No time like the present, huh?” He sat up, finally releasing your hands, but keeping your legs still as he sent you a sharp look, “No running, okay?”

“I don’t have anywhere to go.” You ruefully responded, nerves running on overdrive.

“Oh come on, I know Eunhwa worked for your father.” He tsked, and you flinched, not noticing the way he softened at your fear.

“Not even she is willing to risk her life to help me right now.” You snapped,looking away from him in shame. You had no one, no one except him. Even if you did try to run on your own, it would be two seconds before a bounty the size of Seoul was on your head. You’d be found by someone else, but you couldn’t help but feel like Jungkook would stop at nothing to find you first regardless, “We originally agreed to wait a few weeks since anniversary week is kind of…”

He snorted, already knowing the situation. He was one of the men that helped craft it. Nothing involving your family happened during that time, which made you all so hard to find, but obviously not hard enough, “Lucky me then.” He finally released your legs and you scrambled away from him. A flash of hurt came and was gone from his pupils before he extended his hand to you, “I never wanted to do any of this.” He reminded you, finally sounding like the Jungkook you knew but it did nothing to ease you, “I never wanted to scare you like that, but it was the only way to–”

You hugged your knees curling into yourself, "But you did." You sighed, feeling so unbelievably empty, as you struggled to take in a breath, “Just go.” Your voice cracked, and he recognied the tone immediately.

“No, I’m not going to leave you like–” He tried to offer to help but you just covered your ears as you cried into your knees.

“Leave, please!” You rasped, and that’s when it hit him. Regardless of the affection you both felt for each other, your relationship was fundamentally changed. You were no longer each other’s escape, you were the grizzly reality.

“No.” He seethed before crumbling down next to you. Despair washed over him at the reality of your relationship, but not even that could get in the way of his need to be close to you. What he had with you transcended wrong and right. You were tattooed into his psyche.

“Haven’t you done enough?” You croaked before his body covered yours. Even if you had the energy, you weren’t planning to fight his embrace, not when your traitorous body managed to relax as his mahogany and rain scented cologne invaded your senses, allowing you to take your first real breath since this whole ordeal.

“I won’t leave you like this.” His voice was muffled as he pressed his palms over yours to quiet the outside world, “Even if it’s my fault.” His breath hit your forehead as he kissed the skin, “Even if it makes you hate me.” He promised, “I’ll never leave you like this.” He began his rhythmic tapping, just like he always did, and the familiarity brought you both comfort, even if just for a moment.

“I hate this.” He let out a small sigh of relief when your hate wasn’t explicitly directed at him, “I’m scared, and I never wanted to be that girl again.” For the first time, Jungkook found himself wondering what exactly happened those five years ago. He wanted to know every little thing about your life before him. He wanted to know why you were alone, if you were loved, if someone hurt you, and most importantly, he wanted to know who, “I’m dead.” You cried into his chest.

“No, you’re not.” He all but promised, “I won’t let them.” He pressed a too-sweet kiss to your forehead.

“Why?” You asked again, even though you knew you weren’t ready for the answer.

“Because…” He trailed off, trying to think of what to say, never letting up on his taps, “You’re mine.” He mused, and you succumbed to your despair even further as your body shook violently.

“And what do I have then?” You sobbed, “What’s mine then?” Your life had never been yours, and you suddenly felt so foolish to think it ever would be. Made to be a puppet and cursed to never cut the strings.

“I am.” He immediately responded and you shook your head, but he only held you tighter, “Don’t be scared.” He breathed, “No matter what happens, I’ll always be here.” He promised, and it broke your heart that the notion both scared and eased you. You simply nodded as you both stayed that way and then once your breathing stabilized, he let you be alone.

“I don’t know how I’m going to forgive you for this.” You admitted, the both of you hurting from your statement.

“I know.” He looked to you with a soft smile, “But you will eventually, and that’s all I care about.”

He set his jaw before taking his leave, and he could hear your breathing trying to steady even as he closed the door. He leaned against the wood, sighing as he closed his eyes. It was just a rough patch. You just couldn’t see how good this was for both of you. Even if he had to rebuild your relationship all by himself, he would. He’d do anything if it meant keeping you. Maybe he was an addict down to his core, trading one vice for another. He didn’t care either way.

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